MY STORY: WHO IS CHAKARA?

I'm not really able to be explained. (lol) If I had the choice to keep only one of my senses in would be my sight. For as long as I remember, the old man in the worn down sneakers and yard sold blazer, briefcase held tight in his hand, dignity invisible the other, gave me a reviving boost of "go get it" energy. The stern faced woman, who sat beside me on the bus, and scrambled up bus fair for her five small bundled children gave me a desire to pave the way some more for my people.

I was observant. Never could help that. Never offensively rude, but I kept my blinkers on. (lol) Some how or another a stranger's worries were easily depicted by my senses. In creative art, their expression of "struggle" became my soul's project. At an early age, I easily became inspired to use my artistic abilities to give back to those in trouble and in need.

I did alot of things I'm not proud of.
Luckily love saved me from those distractions and I was blessed with a bundle who'd love me for life.
Planned? No.
Definitely not, I was pretty clueless.
But I love every decision my maker decides on.
He is Greatness.

Who is Chakara?
Childhood consisted of alot of serious health conditions involving my most prized possession.
Mommy.
Confusion wasn't the words to describe a sister before I turned a mere twelve yrs old, and all of my sadness beat my confidence level down to a pulp. My aunt will tell you that you could barely hear me talk. Tears poured out hospital visits, as I wondered when my mother would be back home.

I was just sad man.
No one ever hugged me and told me things were going to be okay.
My biological father wasnt timely THERE.
I hugged my brothers and lied to them, not knowing if what I was saying was true.
But mom's setbacks and hospital visits put my predictions to shame for a short minute.

FAST FORWARD.
Things got alot better for Mom as time went by.
It took a minute for that specific pain to wear off.
Then straight into puberty I went.
Flying, bucking, yelling southsidddddddde till I die.

New Bern strip, fast cash, and Jacks Seafood.
All my potential childhood "boyfriend" candidates were trappers.
I was more of a rose sketched in graffitti, way too hard to cop a goody boy and sit down.
I was rebellious than ever, copping boyfriends with felonies and training school records.
Picking up things I swore I'd never consume in my own body, hiding them outside of my own crib, just so I wouldn't catch a right hook from homebase.
Learning was a passion of mine, so school was somewhat of a vacation to me.
I kept my troubles supressed as long as I remained in the two bedroom duplex.
Home.
Thirty days after I gripped my high school diploma (& prom queen title ha.)
I rode out, throwing up dueces in the rear view mirror of my boyfriends car, at the dictatorship going down in my crib.
I wanted out.

Seventeen and DONE with what I thought my parents wanted me to do and On My Own.
Now this is when things began to sizzle.
First Crib, First Car, First Nine To Five, First Boy Comfortable Sleepovers
All On My Own
And my head became really big from that.
Streets see me.
First Real All Nighters.
First Charge.
Red Beams. All Black.
Army machinery.
Loud shouting
Thats all I can vividly remember.
Always been smart so let me try college. Cause my bank teller job was HISTORY.
Hard as hell, no revenue coming in.
Dropped out.
Part Two.
Lost Crib. Had nothing.
Now I'm homeless.
Fronting though, cause I got "hotel room" money. Wowzers.
Grind Hard, all day.
That was all I knew to do. Crazy close minded.
Flip this, flip that.
Straight determined to get that snow ball big.


But finally......
I let all of that go.
Pushed it as far away from me as it could travel.
Old "friendships" dissolved like Koolaid. Everyday "around the way visits" ceased.
Moved on in with my big bro and love hit me me off with a cup of "slow down."
Thank GOD for him.
After being dropped on my knees by the uppercut punch from life itself.

I kept right.

Now almost ten years later, I'm here. Wake County vested employment, indy author/writer, aspiring actress, community activist, Wake County Library featured Author, and proud mother of an outgoing and free spirit six year old girl.
Some ask me how I did it.
Some times I'm not even sure, but one thing I was sure of was my purpose.
I'm now able to combine all that I've been through, in order to find clarity in my reason for being on this Earth.

And like Jeezy said
"And I luv ittttttttttttttt"

Follow me on twitter
Facebook
Myspace

And all that...

I have so much to tell....enjoy the blog

Xoxo

Chakara