Unbe-WEAVE-able Offensive Fouls

Today's world is one where women of all kinds, have the accessibility to man different hair pieces; long and short, blonde and blue, curly or straight, and etc.

With opportunity comes idiots who take advantage or like my homie always says "jumps completely out of the window" with the current trend. Example: the hair style may call for curly hair, but one may add a few spiral curles, a pink hair track, and some flat twists up the back of their head. Now one may call it orginality, but I call it a technicality.

Where do they do that?

Today I list TERRIBLE offensive fouls by weave wearers. I ask that women RESPECT the weave. Treat it like your own. Tie it up, and do not attempt to run your behind out of YOUR living corridors, looking like birds camp out in your joint.

1. Quick Weave Madness: There is nowhere ON earth, where a woman's head naturally grows in a tiger stripped pattern. So, placing a weave in your head that describes such, shouldnt' get you anywhere but on a doctor's table for a rabie shot. Everytime I see this I ask; What animal (stuffed or alive) had to die to make that happen? One color is okay sweets. After all, you are a grown woman. Head lookin like a kalaidascope. Just because the doo was labeled "quick" didn't mean you could throw anything together.

2. The Cone-head: Lawwwwwd, I remember when there weren't any closers. Anyone who wears weave knows what a closer is. LOL It's the piece of hair, shaped in a circular pattern, mean't to close in hairstyles that require it. (So that the track is not visible). With this being said, WHY are folks still walking around looking like a conehead by the crown of their head?? Everytime I see this I want to BOP a chick on top of the head. Throw some PINS on that ISH! LOL Head looking like a pyramid. LOL

3. Recycled tracks: If you don't return those tracks you borrowed from your homegirl, who wore them for three weeks straight. The only tracks meant to be re-used are those that cost a pretty penny. Those that are of a natural and pure state. Example: Indian Remi (pURE) etc... Why are you still recycling the tracks that sit on the floor of the beauty supply store, in a cardboard box?? Didn't the label tell you specifically: These tracks are cheap ass hell. Do not share. ???? There you go all in MY way at the bar, with a couple tracks at the top of your head that will not lay down. Meanwhile, I'm behind you forced to perform sign language to the bartender, cause neither of us can see each other. Womp womp. Stop recycling tracks, then maybe those suckas will lay down.

4. Not enough tracks, too much head.- Tig Ole Head havin hookas lol. I know you wanted pure Remi hair, and yes, I know it costs about 150 a pack, but if you didnt have enough to buy two packs, then WHY in the **** did you try to stretch out one as if no one could tell the difference. Who puts tracks in their head to APPEAR to be thinning out? I can literally COUNT how many tracks are in females heads that do this. Hang it up. Try again. Next time try; TWO PACK HAIR FOR U. lol

5. Grease Head: You ever seen a female who had tracks in then looked like she oiled them joints down with baby oil?? You can't really miss her, cause she's the chick with the one inch side burns also GEL-ED down the side of her face. LOL! I'm not wearing a weave that has the potential to clog my pores. NAWL. Y'all ever heard of hair serum? You don't have to apply much, plus it wont make you look like an extra of Nelly's "Hot N Here" video. LOL! Gotta love the grease heads.

6. Baldy Mcsmaldies- Hair might be the length of this keyboard key, but she bought hair that goes down to her butt. Hair might not cover the track entirely, but she's cute though. By the end of the night, a couple strands are sticking up like spikes, but she cute though. STOP IT. Please find you a weavIST that knows what styles you can and can't wear, according to your hair length crisis. Maybe its just not time to jump into a 21 inch weave. Maybe you need to start at 4 inches, then WORK your way up. I don't know, but fix it!!

7. WIGS: If you gone wear a weave make sure its turned correctly. I saw a woman the other night with her wig turned completely in the wrong direction. The part was down the back of her head. LOL I was sure by the end of the day, she had turned and jerked that joint so many times, that she had forgotten which way it actually was supposed to sit. Also, make sure that its IN PLACE. Folks can get roudy in the establishments some of y'all like to visit, and I'd hate to see the raise of one's elbow and a bump to your head, be the exposure of a lifetime. Some notty *** cornrows underneath, or a stocking cap. LOL Get it right!!

8. Ponytails: If you can not wear a ponytail of your OWN, without your edges suffering from negligence, then HANG UP THE HOMEMADE PONYTAILS. lol I love seeing this, and laughing to myself cause I could only imagine what the woman said while she fixed it in the mirror. "This is going to have to work" then BAAM! There sits a ponytail, at the crown of her head, and all of her edges singing "WE WON'T GO!" LOL If gel cant hold them joints UP, then let the ponytails go. LOL

9. Roots: DO NOT. I REPEAT. DO NOT. Attempt to insert the hair of another human being on your hair, if your roots have more kinks in it than a swinger's party. LETS TRY A RELAXER FIRST, blow out and chis, or whatever that may apply. Then come again. Its not fair to those tracks to be sittin up high, when they should be laying down peacefully.

and last but not least

10. Braids with NO pattern: Call me biased, but I only deal with a few nationalities when it comes to MY braids. Ya dig? I'on have time to inspect hundreds of braids, to make sure they all sing together in harmony. One of my pet peeves is seeing folks with "so called braids" but the braids look like my six year old did them. I would not EVER sit down for hours to get up with more problems. HOT MESS. End of story.

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XOXO

Chakara