Women Law: "He Must Get Tested For HIV To Lay Down With Me"

I remember being extremely alarmed a couple years ago, when I was asked to be on a question and answering panel, as a community member, in a conference event hosted by the National Center of Disease.

The agency I work for, along with many other faith communities, linked up with the C.D.C. to specifically focus on HIV in the community and how faith organizations could play a part in removing the stigmas that play heavy in the spread of HIV.

I was alarmed because I couldn't believe that the National C.D.C. had trickled all the way down to the church pews of my community, basically begging for assistance in fighting the HIV/AIDS cases in the South. According to them, the South had the highest numbers and they intelligently linked the idea of "worship", with removing the stigmas from our community.

In other words, they understood how important religion was to those of Southern culture and figured that the church clergy and other members could assist them in fighting the spread of HIV/AIDS.

Now thats what you call real intervention.

I agreed so heavily with them, as I recounted the many homosexual faces I've seen in church communities and the absence of dialogue on something so important as HIV or condoms.

I remembered seeing the faces of many women, who have taken a stand against stigmas in their community and took it upon themselves to TALK about HIV and AIDS, within their family and friend circle.

I admired those women so much that I became on of them.

Now, I love blogging, because I love to talk.

I want to share with you some basice TOOLS in helping fight the spread of HIV, and women...its called OWNERSHIP.

Own your life.

Own the right to talk about thingst that may affect your body.

Things like HIV.

If you are a black woman, especially 18-24, I encourage you the most to own your life.

See the spread of HIV in OUR community (my fellow African Americans) brought numbers like this just three years ago:

At the end of 2006 there were an estimated 1.1 million people living with HIV infection, of which almost half (46%) were black/African American.

While blacks represent approximately 12 percent of the U.S. population, they continue to account for a higher proportion of cases at all stages of HIV/AIDS—from infection with HIV to death with AIDS—compared with members of other

races and ethnicities

Today, women account for one out of every four new HIV cases in the U.S. Of these newly infected women, about two out of three are African American. Most of these women got HIV from having sex with a man.

AIDS is now the leading cause of death for African American women ages 25-34. African American women are over 21 times as likely to die from HIV/AIDS as non-Hispanic white women.

Today's topic is about OWNING YOUR LIFE within your relationship.

Why are so many women afraid to ask their mate to get tested before having sex with them?

I mean, whats wrong with saying "If you don't have a condom, we can't have sex?"

It can save YOUR LIFE homie.

No really.

I've had conversation with so many women who wished they would have just OPENED their mouth to their mates.

They wished they had the willpower to say...."No glove, no love."

Now they sit nervously in waiting rooms, of their infectious disease primary care office, praying to hear that their viral load has not tripled and their CD4 count is on the rise.

SN: CD4 count= the amount of T-cells (helper cells) in the body ----the "good guys"

Viral load count= the amount of viral cells (HIV infected cells) in the body ---"the evil guys"

I'm a pretty good talker so I came up with some ways to talk about HIV in your relationship, from a woman's standpoint.

Why?

Because we are the fruit of our community.

We are the ones who help the community mulitply by reproducing new lives.

I OWN the fact that I am responsible for teaching those who come AFTER me, the correct way to OWN their health and their bodies.

So I've joined the fight against HIV/AIDS.

Yes, its that serious to me.

1. Know who you are dealing with before having sex with him. As women, we often like to do background checkups on a potential candidate for love, before going into the relationships. The thing is, we ask the WRONG damn questions. This is sex we are talking about. Swapping fluids and such. Get real! Whether or not he makes six figures will not matter when you get that HIV diagnosis of being positive. Whether or not he has a "nice car" will not matter, once you get that phone call from the county health department.

Thats real talk.

Ask PROPER questions, and don't ask everyone else. Ask him!!

1. Have you ever been tested for HIV? If so, when?

I think that when you ask a man that question, he will automatically come with a "yes", b/c he knows thats what you are expecting to hear. So Baam! Hit him with the second question of when. If it takes him too long to answer, there is a possibility he's being untruthful.

2. Do you practice safe sex?

This is important too!! Don't worry about the word "sex", being inappropriate so early. Understand that this should be intial conversation in 2010. Have you seen the statistics??? A man who practices safe sex will believe whole heartedly in the question. I know alot of men who do, so ask this!!! It will tell you whether or not your candidate understands the crucial responsiblity of wrapping it up.

After asking these questions, be sure to engage in the conversation with your own opinions. Let him know where you stand on the questions as well. Let him know that you get tested and that you do practice safe sex. You have to walk the walk in order to talk the talk.

Remember that.

2. Now, that you know his stand on sex. You want to start having safe sex with him, but he still needs to have a current test. If he has not shown you one. You too! It's time to ask the question that so many women feel uneasy about asking.

"Let's go and get tested together." I know that seems like such a tough thing to ask, but understand that it shouldn't be. You want a man who takes things like STDs/HIV serious, so a mature man will not deem that question as immature. In fact, a man on the same leveled plain you are will appreciate that gesture. Knowing your status of HIV/AIDS, will unleash a fresher feel in your relationship. You will both know where you stand, and you will both know how far to go with your relationship. Getting tested is absolutely FREE! Whether you are up north or down south, your county has a health department that offers free testing. Take advantage! Make an appt for you both. Ask if their is a counselor to explain any other questions you have about HIV/AIDS, upon your visit to get tested. Get educated!!! Its a weapon of defense for you.

Some women may not be in such serious relationships, where they feel as though they have the RIGHT to ask someone they are sexually involved with to get tested.

Welp.

Understand this.

Condoms are like 99 percent effective, but here is the kicker.

That's if they are put on correctly and are up to date in packaging.

Old and misused condoms may still put you at risk of catching HIV.

Make sure that you are keeping condoms that are not expired, and make sure that he is putting the condom on correctly.

Alot of responsibility huh?

Yeah, well you wear that when you lay down on your back and invite him into your life.

Your body.

Own it.

SN: KILL THIS CRAP "He/she caught the AIDS."

Hiv must turn into AIDS first. HIV is the virus that leads to AIDS. Upon a person's first contraction of HIV, they have HIV. That's it. A viral load measurement can determine AIDS status. One cannot CATCH AIDS.

That's ignorant talk.

Don't look like a fool talking.

I do this because I LOVE my people.

I hope that this read helped you just a little bit, and well if this is stuff you already knew, then pat yourself on the back for being ahead of the game.

Much love

XoXo

Chakara

His Friend Keeps On Hitting On Me!! I'm Telling! But wait..how do I?

This has to be a very common scenario amongst seriously INVOLVED women today.

I know that I've been in this uncomfy situation a few times, and felt covered in slime during the process.

I guess we don't have anyone to blame but other women who give in to such an offer.

The ones who will cheat with his "friend."

Its funny to me because the men, who pursue the women of their friends, pursue without any sign of caution.

The fact of them caring about your man is normally non-existent.

They get in whisper mode, eyes dip below sincere, and then they proposition you when you arn't in the company of your mate.

It places us faithful women in a bad place.

Not to mention, it makes the MAN look like a low dirty piece of doodie.

Yep. : )

I mean you see the faces on your man's face when you tell him his favorite sports team lost, or his favorite music artist has past away.

What about the face when you tell him that his man just hit on you at the bar?

Yeah.

Its a toughie.

Now, I have always practiced the act of not saying anything. Especially if this guy wasn't my man's blood buddy of first grade, boy scouts homie, and or his tag along friend.

He's really just someone my man considers to be "cool" with, but he's still a friend or light associate. He is still EVERYWHERE you guys seem to be. You run into him all the time.

I mean, after all I don't want his slimeball "friend", and I make sure that I make that clear upon his secret invite to HELL.

I let HIM know.

I would never tell my man because I don't want to start a huge ordeal out of nothing.

Why?

Because men will be men, and quite frankily, I also believe that it's harder for men to find loyal friends than it is for women.

Why?

Because it's their nature to chase the cat. Yeah, its quite sad. I've seen men pop the trunk after clubs over women, ready to take their own life away for O.P.P. of his used to be "homie".

No matter how many times you see a dude shout Money Over B*tches....hmmmm...they're like uncontrolled animals, they can't help but to chase.

So tell them to save it.

I laugh at the forearm tattoos myself.

Anywhoo, I know we've all been here, and if you havn't well....you will.

What willl you do?

1. First off, evaluate the friendship and incident. Who is the corny fool? Is he your man's REAL friend. You know? Ace boon koon? What exactly did the fool do? Did he blatantly disrespect you? Of course he did. (lol) He already disrespected your man. True indeed, but was the invite all wild and out in the open? I mean these are things to think about. How did he take your response in telling him you were not interested? Remember he's a DOG, one of those mutty MEN DoGS. Unfortunately its in his nature. If he came at you wrong, and you were successful in puttin him in his place, then it may not be a need to go to step 2. Just warn the idiot that if it happens again, you will be saying something to your man. Then there MIGHT be problems, so he may wanna go THAT >>>>> way. (smile) You may just need to end it here. No need to bring bones back to the crib, if there isnt a need to.

2. So, he didn't take your rejection well. He's still harassing. Now what? Its like almost time for the bar to close. Or whatever. Maybe its week two and he is still at it. When you see him out, homeboy is STILL winking and making unnecessary passes at you. Even though you told him what your stance on his proposition was. Even though you warned him that your boyfriend would crack his skull if he found out. His response: And? So what?

Hmmmmm. Time to take action it seems? Yeah I think it's time for Operation Tattle Tell.

After all, you did warn him but he didn't listen. Proceed to step 3. Its time to unleash the heavy weight. You can't deal with it anymore, plus you've been in places where your man and this guy are present, and it just fells TERRIBLE. This n*ckel is trippin.

3. How to tell him. Do not beat around the bush!!!! If you need to hit the bathroom mirror up for practice before telling him, then do it, but do NOT beat around the bush. Get straight to what you want to tell him, especially if you've let this thing prolong for a long time. If it's been two weeks of harassment and you go into the conversation stuttering, you might make the situation harder. He's going to wonder what the hell took you so long to say something. Men have this thing with their ego, and he will feel some type of way about the stalling of your disclosure. To him, he's been a complete laughing stock in the MAN WORLD. Not one man like's being in the blind of fellow MEN. Its a macho thing. Understand that.

Make sure it's just the two of you and start with offering a soothing method to this terrible topic. Your man may get angry, so remember, you don't want to spark a bigger flame with instigating.

Be easy.

I know I'm corny (lol), but something to this extent. Short, factual, and compassionate.

"Baby, I have something to tell you. First off, understand that their isn't any man in this world who could take your place in my life right now, and that's why I see its so important to let you know this. So-and-so came on to me __________, ________, and ________. I let him know imediately that I was not interested and offended each time, but he still continues."

3. The Aftermath. Oh, boy is he pissed off, but he's covering his pissed look with a fake nonchalant one. He wants to carry the impression that his girl doesnt want another dude. He has her where he wants her, but inside he's burning like a campfire. He is ready to punch straight through his friends face, but instead of saying that he just nods. He's on fire though. Yes he is.

Please continue to play as that fire extinguisher. Maybe add a little "kiss-up" to the equation. Beg him to not make a huge deal out of the situation. Help him to avoid confrontation. You handled it all for him! Offer to cook for him or something, but whatever you do, do NOT connect that offer to the event. Try to change the subject. Hell give him some "cater to you" sex or something. Reinstate that "true love" you have for him, thru a simple act of kindness. That might ease his frustrations and daydreams of catching a charge. DO NOT BRING IT UP AGAIN. You told him what he needed to know. You handled it, he is aware, and thats it. That is all the time you need to waist on the idiot.

4. When You Two See The Idiot Friend Again. Act as if the friend is Casper. Invisible. You do not see him. In fact, he will know that you told him because maybe your man will not talk to him either. He is non-existent at this point. Wiped away from your life. A nobody. The End. You guys live happily ever after. Stronger and communication net is WIDE open. *swoosh*. You win back your sanity, day to day clarity, and your man is happy.

Hopefully these steps will not fracture anyones skull or relationship. I talked to some men who sorta helped me form these steps. I figure, hell,...whose better to tell me how to go about something men themselves. Thanks friends *wink*.

I'd love to know your experiences in handling such crud. Share?

Please??

XoXo Chakara

Ladies Do We Need Bullet Proof Vests To Reject Men?

Men, first off, I'mma need you guys to stop getting upset when a woman doesn't give you the response you expect to get. (teehee. no foreal.)

In D.C. Fox News, a college student was just recently shot, and she says it was because she refused to give a guy her phone number.

Read this little clip:

The young woman, whose identity has been protected, told police she was leaving a party in southeast Washington early Sunday when a man asked for her number.

“He told my cousin he was going to shoot at us if I didn't give him my number and then he started shooting,” she told authorities.

One of those bullets struck the student as she ran away.

It is still lodged in her ankle. Surgeons will decide how to remove it.Police are still searching for the suspect.
*******************************************************************
My first reaction: What!

Then I came back down to earth, recounting some of the many times I thought that I would see bullets fly after I've turned down some ruggish thuggish mad man, yelping behind me about how much money he has and blah blah blah!

I'm happy to announce that this young lady will recover but FELLAS!!!

What is REALLY the deal?

This world has truly evolved when we have men who are willing to risk being on death row for getting a damn phone number.

Which may NOT even be the real damn number. (I've given out a few fake ones in my day)
Women, do we need VESTS on after the club?

After leaving the mall?

The gym?

This article puts me in the mind of Marlon Wayans on Dont Be A Menace While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood.

"BREAK YO SELF FOOL! GIMME YO GAWT*AMN NUMBER!"

Whoa.

Thoughts?

Xoxo
Chakara
source:http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/local/college-student-shot-because-she-would-not-give-man-her-phone-number-050310

You Date Him? You Date His Mom Too. Get Down Or Lay Down.

Now.

I know that some of you can tell, just by my title that....this is that ole bull-ish.

I ran into this topic, yesterday as I listened to the moaning of an associate talk about how her new friend's MOTHER...is well...

LISTEN UP. I'm just going to share a common scenario with you.

That's right.

*Ahem*

So.

You meet the guy of your dreams. He's a complete sweetheart. Mannerable, respectful, well put together, nice career, nice salary, no kids, no ex-wives, or baby mama's, all limbs the same length, etc....

You are completely taken away, floored by his charm.

He approaches you, and propositions you with a date.

Something simple, and of course you accept because well.....You WANT HIM BAD.

He has none of the average flaws that your quest to find a man is normally interupted with.

So, why not?

You guys hit it off big time. He tells you everything about him, and you LOVE IT.

He talks about how his mom is everything to him, and he doesn't know what he would do without her.

His father, not so much praised, but mommy is definitely the only queen in his life. She was a divorced single mom, and he values that.

He should.

Now, during his first disclosure of such a sweet relationship between him and Mom, you're loving it.

I mean a man who respects his mother to the upmost will respect any other female.

Right?

I mean isn't this what we were always taught?

So, you're just bragging to everyone about this guy.

Ohmigosh.

He is just HOT SH*T in your book, and you are even daydreaming of wedding bells with this man, after dating him for a lengthy six months.

He's been to your place.

You have been to his.

Sex has already naturally INTERVENED, and everything is even seeming to be going as planned.

In fact, he's feeling you the exact same way. He loves how you praise the fact that he is a mama's boy, and respects that woman the way that he does.

This is when he goes in for the killer suggestion.

The moment that will have a woman literally scrubbing allof her impurities away from her skin, the day before the actual event.

He announces...

"I want you to meet my mother."

Now, its only natural that a woman feels a little jittery at the mentioning of having to meet the mother of a man she really likes.

Because what?

We all want to be liked by the woman who made our man.

In fact, we hope that this woman adores us, like a daughter she never had.

Oh she has to. (You know this is what we think.)

Butterum..............................

It doesnt work out that way.

See.

You meet her.

She greets you cordially, but somewhere along the course of the meet n greet, you figure out that

SHE

DOESN'T

LIKE YOU.

No matter how much you smile and use your manners.

She doesn't like your *ss.

Bwahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Ha.

What do you do?

Now.

Trust.

Your beau, he knows mom dukes doesn't like you either.

He's not going to tell you. He will only make excuses up as to his mother "being the way that she is."

But you know.

Deep down inside you can sense that her "hello" isn't sincere.

The way she laughs around you is pushed out, like a bad actress on Broadway.

She's faking the funk, because she has already determined that she's not feeling you.

Oh but wait.

She will tell her son this too, because that is her baby.

He's perfect and every single woman should want him because he's basically flawless, without a ring on his finger.

She understands her son is a hot commodity.

He loves his mother, and he often goes to her for advice. She will continue to remind him that YOU are not what he needs in a woman.

Oh yeah. Once or twice a week.

She will.

She will advise him that she shouldn't just stop at you, no matter what he feels.

He should venture out more, see what else is out there.

After all, "You are a good man, Son." (Or something mushy to that effect lol)

When she really wants to say, "leave that heffa alone, she's no good for you."

Now at this point, you have to come to some realizations.

First off, this woman has buckoo power over this man's thoughts, because he praises her dearly, worshipping the ground she walks on.

Any woman can see that.

He has even said it out of his own mouth. You know? That his mother has always been the person he could ever talk to about anything.

The only woman who has ever been able to completely understand him.

All of that *sh was SWEET, when you first met him.

Now that the cat is out of the bag, on Queen Mommy not liking you.

Those words remain as sharp as box cutters, piercing into your ego something serious.

In fact, you find yourself stressed out wondering to yourself.

"How in the hell do I compete with his mama!!"
Then the reality sets in.

YOU CAN'T.

YOU REALLY SHOULD'NT.

You want to continue dating him, but you don't see your relationship going anywhere.

Every date, there forward, feels like a complete waste of time.

Life wasted.

He was the one.

DAmmit!

But now, y'all are having discussions about the things his mother has said and they are turning into light arguments.

Then they get deeper.

No longer light arguments, but all-nighter pillowtalk heated discussions.

So deep, that now, dating him has become a migrain affair.

You may even be going bald EARLY. ; /

Yep.

So.

What are you going to do?

Date him and his mother?

Or get lost?

I think we've all been here before. Even I can admit to this, once upon a blue moon.

And well...

The only advice I can give you if you ever run up on a man who is such a mama's boy, that he really wont BLINK before being advised by her.

is to...

Well, how can I put this in simple terms?

RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

run for your freakin life.

Mommy monsters are dangerous to our egos.

Hmmph.

lol

XOXO

Chakara

"And then POW The Body Magic Comes Off..........."

Today, is a new day.

A day where you can pretty much use other measures, besides the natural ones, in shaping one's body into the shape desired.

Just go to a mirror right now. Take an overal examination of ones self.

Don't have any boobs? Well...what the hell are you waiting for? Go buy you some.

Need more *ss? Well, dammit they have those too.

Do you need a temporary butt for the night girl (heeeeyyy) or are you going for the gusto, and really just would like HELP growing your own??

Well nowadays there are quarterly injections you can get to you know...get that butt you always wanted.

Its like you can't miss. If you want new lips, a new neck, or a new pinky toe. Holla at them FOLKS cause I guarantee they have something for you to fix your said "body issue."

Now, if you are a woman with any MEAT around your rib section...lil back fat? hmmm?? I can even vouch for a little of that *shy*

Well, if you havent been approached by these determined salesmen of this GARMENT, then you must be hiding in a hole away from all existance because....

like my homie Marc Law says...."THEY BE ON THEIR GRIND"

lol

Now please, I beg that no one be offended by this blogpost. Please this is what I do. I have these weird thoughts from time to time, and this blog is where I can just release.

So sit back, and listen.

For about two weeks (2009), I was hounded by my very first Body Magic sales person. It was actually middle of last year. I will not expose whether this was a man or a woman, but I'll tell you what.

By the third week of harassment, I was dodging cell phone calls, deleting inbox messages, and even peeking at the end of grocery store aisles, praying that I wouldn't be spotted by this...

determined...

hard working...

go getter of a Body Magic Sales Person.

They were on their grind so much, that I'd run into them in the strangest places. Well, I ignored, and ignored, until ONE day, I was approached by someone I actually respect in the business world.

I decided to listen just a little bit about the sales opportunity. Now, what folks don't understand is, no matter how GOOD a product is, you job is to sell.

You. Must. Go. Super Hard.

You know? To make someone come out of pocket.

On the spot.

A person can list a million things about how good a product is, but in order to SELL it, you have to really go in.

And

What I mean by going in is, you have to lightly harass. But you do it with a smile.

*cheese*

And then you make this person believe that something they didn't like about themselves or a situation will change for the better...if they what?

Buy what you have for sell.

I do the same with my books, no matter how great and impactful I believe Life's Gamble is.

I have to sell it.

Now, I went to see my first demonstration.

Of the much talked about "Body Magic" garment.

First off, I wanted to see this. Because I said to myself 4 inches LOST, in 5 minutes....

um...then what?

......

I'm like a size 8, meaty (aka thicka than a snicka - lol) , and my waist could use some trim. So, by all means, MY eyes were glued to the stage like those of Odie's of Garfield or something.

Wide awake at what was about to be presented.

Now this woman was larger than I was. Maybe, a size 16 or so walks up to the platform. So I say to myself, "Hmmmm.....I wanna see this sh*t."

Sure did.

Now, she went on to say that she would be the model blah blah blah...

Get on with the show, I'm ready to see the hourglass shape y'all talmbout.

So she goes into the bathroom, with her body magic garment tucked PROUD, like a U.S. citizen at inauguration and....came out in exactly TEN MINUTES.

Apparantly she didn't need any help in her body magic.

She got that sucker on alone.

From what I was told it takes an army of five to put it on. So I was impressed once the door swung open.

NOW.

The finished product.

Um.

I was NOT impressed.

Lord forgive me for this confession but I swear.....it only pushed MORE OF HER...to the TOP.

Nah mean? (lol)

Like imagine a YOGURT tube, or even a tube of lotion.

You squeeze the bottom and all of the lotion goes to the top. Depending on how flimsy the packaging is, your squeezing may make the top of the bottle look a little swollen.

Well....

That was how ole' girl was looking.

So she walked around, and I'm thinking. The only thing that is missing is a mo-hawk, a rope chain, a wife beater, and some bow ARMS...and she'd be looking like Mr. T. flexing off his muscles.

No foreal.

So I sat back and was just quiet. Afraid to say, "Ummmm...I don't see any positive results."

Were her sides smoother??? Sure they were...no lump signs of side fat.

Could I see in between the gap of her arms and her waist? Sure I could..

Maybe her clothes fit a little better...but she didn't drop any sizes to me. In fact, she reaaaaaaaalllly didnt look any smaller.

Boxier?

Yep.

Oh and I knew that would be me all day.

So fast forward............................................to today, and my reason for not buying into this "magic" garment.

UM....AND THAT REASON IS....

I DONT NEED ANYTHING ELSE TO DISTRACT ME OF A MORE PROMISING GOAL. THAT IS......LOSING WEIGHT OR INCHES NATURALLY.

lol

WORK IT OUT.

LEAVE THE CHOCOLATE ALONE.

lol

Damn, a boxy ass body magic. (I'm already broad in the dang shoulders) If I could be hired and hit off with an ADVANCE as a benchwarmer on the N.O. Saints, in one, then MAYBE I'd consider.

Now, maybe I just had a bad experience, because I've seen some women with one on and they looked marvelous.

But.

These women were also no bigger than a size 8 originally.

All they really need to do, like I was to lose a few inches, naturally.

Simple.

B.C. that fine, cool brother who you been dating for the past two months (IN-SUIT *snicker) will ONE DAY see you when the mu'flicker comes OFF.

Then what?

lol

Let it marinate, and if you can do it naturally...go for it man.

Please.

Love you too *muah*

XOXO

Chakara

*Oh P.S.*

LOOK OUT FOR MY NEW WEBSITE http://www.theauthorchakara.com/

and SUSCRIBE TO MY BLOOOOOOOOOOOG!

thank you ; )

"I love Him..I love Him NOT" Confessions of a Confused Serial Dater

This post here is for my single successful ladies, swimming thru the sea of comittment trying to find LOVE amongst the fast pace life of climbing the success ladder.

I am one of them.

*sigh*

And, on top of that, I'm a piece of work alone.

I write, and anyone can tell you that writers are extremely STRANGE people.

Now, I'm just going to list alot of my hangups and maybe you have the same when dealing with guys.

1. I have a really screwed up "type" of guy.

Now, unfortunately an urban twist of a man is preferred. His pants should not dangle underneath his buttox, but his pants must also be free to ROAM around in as well. We'on do that skinny jean stuff over here. A fewjean brands give or take, but not super duper SKINTY. His attitude must be attitude-repellent. He must know how to handle the type of woman I am, and he cannot be soft spoken or timid. Aggressive men normally do the trick, but well....agressive guys arn't always the best pick. I find this to be a hang up.

I end up with assholes who were only agressively sweet at the beginning.

Then their film wears off.

2. I don't allow anyone where I live, plus I'm busy...sooo.

About 20 percent of all of the men, I've ever dated know where I rest at. Call me shell-shocked or whatever, but I had a terrible experience when I was twenty. I don't like people knowing where I close my eyes at. It's some type of weird paranoia, I'm sure.

I'm working on this, but this doesn't help when dating. I like ALWAYS meet my beau wherever we will be eating. He doesn't get the opp to pick me and take me out, like traditional dating. LOL

3. I'm always on my laptop and often, I don't answer my phone when I am.

The internet, blogging, and writing are my LIFE, aside from my busy bee 6 year old (mentioned in #4). I make about 75 percent of my sales via internet promotion. Also, I'm in an office Monday-Friday 9am-5pm, and I value my independent interent time. Hmmph. And, right now, I have to put that on the forefront. My latest date buddy often says says, "Aw lord, you must be on your computer", once the uncomfortable sound of *crickets* come thru the phone, while we are supposed to be "talking". I do it unintentionally though, and I understand this part of me needs work.

4. I have a kid. She is my road dog, and she bites.

My daughter is six years old, going on 80. She does not bite her tongue, nor does she hesitate to ask me questions about anything. Including a stranger who may be showing a liking to her mommy, her #1 fan. So, this makes things hard b/c at the dating "stage", I'm not so sure that I want to answer questions from the inquisitive brown girl. At dating stage, a guy isn't really conversation material. My daughter doesn't need to ask questions, because he's not worth explaining to her at that moment. Not that I may not like him, its just that he's in that stage where...well my kid doesn't need to know you. You are seperate from that part of my life, until you prove you meet all necessary requirements. Now she is always with me, so that sort of narrows the time I have available to date. Reason this being a "said" hangup.

4. Finding brothers with reputable J.O.B.'s.

Everybody can't be a rapper, or a trapper, or a entreprenuer minus the actual business. I present to you the main reason I fall back. If I meet one more Gucci Mane protege, I'm going to scream, and it won't be "Gucci! or Brrr!!!". Let's face it, everybody can't be a rapper, and Lord knows I can't do a trapper. Peace and hair grease to the struggle and all that, but will the real "JOB HOLDERS" please stand up. The first step to being an entreprenuer is actually OWNING a business. You are not a business man because you carry a briefcase with notepads and BIC pens in it. Where is your real business credit? Where did you go to school again? Oh okay....lets get with it. ESC.com Go!

5. Brothers and their baggage!

Hi, my name is "Ms. Single Lady", but I will NOT be baby mother number THREE, jumpoff number FOUR, or rescue haven housing lady for BIRDHEAD MEN. Nope, I'm not going to be able to do it ; /

Now, it is a recession. Note taken. On top of that, I do understand that black men are not highly favored, as job candidates for many positions. So, I do empathize with the strenuous task of finding work in the U.S. and being a black man. I do.

BUT.

Some of them have no reason to be 25+ living with their mom, driving the car of their baby mama's (while she's at work), with two other alternate baby mamas, and not a THING to call his on, but a closet full of Pradas and Gucci. Dammit!

Oh and that brother always looks damn good doesn't he? Of course, he has all the latest style of fashion because this brother has NO REAL BUSINESS. He can afford to buy all of the latest styles without a real job, because...well he has no BILLS. Ugh.

Then he starts to stutter at the questions: What do you do? Do you have kids? Have you ever been married?

Go figure...moving right along.

Now.......these are like the man hangups...

I have others...but I will not bore you with my ranting.

Now a few of these things I can't change.
Others eh...maybe I can.

But I confess.

Hi, my name is crazy writer person,

and I am a serial dater for the listed reasons.

Pray that other like me get it together, and most of all...pray that the micro selection of men out there get it together FIRST.

Love seems so far away sometimes.

"I love him, I love him NOT...NEXT!"

I know that one day I'll shake this craziness.

XoXO

Chakara

Irv Gotti Says if Rick Ross Would Have Signed With Him Instead Of Jay Z..He'd Be Selling 2 Mill In This Recession

Excuse me while I finish laughing.

Go ahead and watch the clip on wordstarhiphop.com (my source). Just search

Irv Gotti and Rick Ross.

In the words of Ja-Rule

"Holla Holla!" LOL

Now Irv

Irv Irv Irv!

Let me top this discussion off by asking the most important question

Where in the hell is Lloyd?

I particularly hate when a person comes in after the fact, after things are all said and done, and talks about what they coulda done or how things would have been better (if).

I'm going to put myself in Rick Ross's shoes, cause I like to role play.

Let's feel this scenario out.

Now according to Irv, when Rick Ross put out his first single "Everyday I'm Hustlin'", every label was calling the guy to sign.

He says that when everything boiled down, Ross had the choice to sign with either Irv Gotti or Def Jam (Jay Z).

Hmmmmmm.

Lets weigh it out. Shall we?

Def Jam

Irv Gotti'en Em.

Def Jam

Irv Gotti'en Em.

Who would one sane in the rap world go with?

Enuff said.

You know this whining about the past is becoming an annoyance, similiar to the whining of a little league team of young boys.

Now Gotti gave some useful tips about signing contracts with major labels and all that. I respect that, but to say what you could have done with an artist, when YOUR artists are playing benchwarmer right now, is like..........

whats the word....ummmmm......

LAME.

Yeah that will work.

Now I wonder what your team would say about that. What would Ja Rule say about that clip?

What about Ashanti?

Huh? Huh?

Lloyd? And Lord knows I love me some Lloyd, but where is he?

Delkab Mall?

Maybe....bring Lloyd back FIRST Gotti. THEN

JUST MAYBE

MAYBE I'll listen to your rants.

Hehee...

(all love)

Im Audi 5000

Peace

Chakara