This has to be a very common scenario amongst seriously INVOLVED women today.
I know that I've been in this uncomfy situation a few times, and felt covered in slime during the process.
I guess we don't have anyone to blame but other women who give in to such an offer.
The ones who will cheat with his "friend."
Its funny to me because the men, who pursue the women of their friends, pursue without any sign of caution.
The fact of them caring about your man is normally non-existent.
They get in whisper mode, eyes dip below sincere, and then they proposition you when you arn't in the company of your mate.
It places us faithful women in a bad place.
Not to mention, it makes the MAN look like a low dirty piece of doodie.
Yep. : )
I mean you see the faces on your man's face when you tell him his favorite sports team lost, or his favorite music artist has past away.
What about the face when you tell him that his man just hit on you at the bar?
Yeah.
Its a toughie.
Now, I have always practiced the act of not saying anything. Especially if this guy wasn't my man's blood buddy of first grade, boy scouts homie, and or his tag along friend.
He's really just someone my man considers to be "cool" with, but he's still a friend or light associate. He is still EVERYWHERE you guys seem to be. You run into him all the time.
I mean, after all I don't want his slimeball "friend", and I make sure that I make that clear upon his secret invite to HELL.
I let HIM know.
I would never tell my man because I don't want to start a huge ordeal out of nothing.
Why?
Because men will be men, and quite frankily, I also believe that it's harder for men to find loyal friends than it is for women.
Why?
Because it's their nature to chase the cat. Yeah, its quite sad. I've seen men pop the trunk after clubs over women, ready to take their own life away for O.P.P. of his used to be "homie".
No matter how many times you see a dude shout Money Over B*tches....hmmmm...they're like uncontrolled animals, they can't help but to chase.
So tell them to save it.
I laugh at the forearm tattoos myself.
Anywhoo, I know we've all been here, and if you havn't well....you will.
What willl you do?
1. First off, evaluate the friendship and incident. Who is the corny fool? Is he your man's REAL friend. You know? Ace boon koon? What exactly did the fool do? Did he blatantly disrespect you? Of course he did. (lol) He already disrespected your man. True indeed, but was the invite all wild and out in the open? I mean these are things to think about. How did he take your response in telling him you were not interested? Remember he's a DOG, one of those mutty MEN DoGS. Unfortunately its in his nature. If he came at you wrong, and you were successful in puttin him in his place, then it may not be a need to go to step 2. Just warn the idiot that if it happens again, you will be saying something to your man. Then there MIGHT be problems, so he may wanna go THAT >>>>> way. (smile) You may just need to end it here. No need to bring bones back to the crib, if there isnt a need to.
2. So, he didn't take your rejection well. He's still harassing. Now what? Its like almost time for the bar to close. Or whatever. Maybe its week two and he is still at it. When you see him out, homeboy is STILL winking and making unnecessary passes at you. Even though you told him what your stance on his proposition was. Even though you warned him that your boyfriend would crack his skull if he found out. His response: And? So what?
Hmmmmm. Time to take action it seems? Yeah I think it's time for Operation Tattle Tell.
After all, you did warn him but he didn't listen. Proceed to step 3. Its time to unleash the heavy weight. You can't deal with it anymore, plus you've been in places where your man and this guy are present, and it just fells TERRIBLE. This n*ckel is trippin.
3. How to tell him. Do not beat around the bush!!!! If you need to hit the bathroom mirror up for practice before telling him, then do it, but do NOT beat around the bush. Get straight to what you want to tell him, especially if you've let this thing prolong for a long time. If it's been two weeks of harassment and you go into the conversation stuttering, you might make the situation harder. He's going to wonder what the hell took you so long to say something. Men have this thing with their ego, and he will feel some type of way about the stalling of your disclosure. To him, he's been a complete laughing stock in the MAN WORLD. Not one man like's being in the blind of fellow MEN. Its a macho thing. Understand that.
Make sure it's just the two of you and start with offering a soothing method to this terrible topic. Your man may get angry, so remember, you don't want to spark a bigger flame with instigating.
Be easy.
I know I'm corny (lol), but something to this extent. Short, factual, and compassionate.
"Baby, I have something to tell you. First off, understand that their isn't any man in this world who could take your place in my life right now, and that's why I see its so important to let you know this. So-and-so came on to me __________, ________, and ________. I let him know imediately that I was not interested and offended each time, but he still continues."
3. The Aftermath. Oh, boy is he pissed off, but he's covering his pissed look with a fake nonchalant one. He wants to carry the impression that his girl doesnt want another dude. He has her where he wants her, but inside he's burning like a campfire. He is ready to punch straight through his friends face, but instead of saying that he just nods. He's on fire though. Yes he is.
Please continue to play as that fire extinguisher. Maybe add a little "kiss-up" to the equation. Beg him to not make a huge deal out of the situation. Help him to avoid confrontation. You handled it all for him! Offer to cook for him or something, but whatever you do, do NOT connect that offer to the event. Try to change the subject. Hell give him some "cater to you" sex or something. Reinstate that "true love" you have for him, thru a simple act of kindness. That might ease his frustrations and daydreams of catching a charge. DO NOT BRING IT UP AGAIN. You told him what he needed to know. You handled it, he is aware, and thats it. That is all the time you need to waist on the idiot.
4. When You Two See The Idiot Friend Again. Act as if the friend is Casper. Invisible. You do not see him. In fact, he will know that you told him because maybe your man will not talk to him either. He is non-existent at this point. Wiped away from your life. A nobody. The End. You guys live happily ever after. Stronger and communication net is WIDE open. *swoosh*. You win back your sanity, day to day clarity, and your man is happy.
Hopefully these steps will not fracture anyones skull or relationship. I talked to some men who sorta helped me form these steps. I figure, hell,...whose better to tell me how to go about something men themselves. Thanks friends *wink*.
I'd love to know your experiences in handling such crud. Share?
Please??
XoXo Chakara
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