ACT NOW: An HIV Crisis (Listen Up!)

I dawned on me this morning to talk about this.

Put you all on to something that no one ever talks about.

Those who know me probably guessed it, but its HIV.

See, I'm from the south and the CDC told me a couple years ago that there was a state of emergency and need to ACT on HIV/AIDS NOW..in my old community.

See, I sat on a panel of great and annointed HIV community activists, from the great Minister Forbes of NY, to a man who contracted HIV on death row, after being convicted falsely.

Each one of the persons, along with self, explained to the audience what they saw in the HIV community and the problems that watered stigmas to grow.

Such as

-Miseducation

-Shame

-Guilt

-Ignorance

and so forth....

Just a couple days ago it was HIV Advocacy Day

and well..

as usual.

Guess who were absent?

My people.

Where were you?

We gotta fight this and the only way we can do it successfully is to get educated, educated each other, and get tested each year.

Know your status.

Speaking on this state of emergency.

First off do you know how much HIV medications cost???

I couldnt afford them and I know the average black American couldnt afford them.

A regimen of meds can exceed multiple thousands of dollars.

Thats right.

Now, I don't want to narrow this down to the black race, but right now this is my audience and I need for you guys to listen up.

ADAP- Is a government funded HIV medication drug assistance program. In other words, if a person is HIV positive and cannot afford the medicines that can help them stay alive, then ADAP provides these medicines TO THEM.

Enabling them to a normal life, when taken correctly and acting compliant in medical care.

A common thing for a person who tests positive for HIV asks is

"How long will I stay alive?"

Well, with 75 percent of the ADAP waiting list dwelling in the south, I'm not really sure if I could answer this question.

Right now...

501 people in North Carolina are on an ADAP waiting list.

in South Carolina only 81

and in Kentucky 200..

You guys this is a crisis.

Real talk.

My father, your family member, an HIV positive child, and whomever else is waiting patiently to get the drugs they need to survive.

And all we really need to do is speak up about it?

What good are meds to people who can't afford to get them?

They are no good, and I see the stress on those men and women, waiting patiently for their name to be pulled out of the lottery....

only to be told

that they have a chance at fighting HIV b/c they can now recieve meds.

There is a bill, created by the Senate of the U.S.

Your area representative

My area representative

They need to know about this.

PLEASE ACT NOW.

The bill is called "The Access ADAP Act"

Call your senator rep

Richard Burr...Kay Hagan (examples)

and educate them on this bill.

This bill if passed will bring us more money, that will ease up the waiting list crisis.

This heavy waiting list crisis in North Carolina.

Especially.

Remember OUR PEOPLE NEED THIS.

HIV has taking taken over our communities.

Our brothers and sisters live with this disease day in and day out.

First off, they have to be quiet about their status, because its that shame and guilt that stigmas have placed in their conscience.

Then, on top of all of that nonsense, they are stressing day to day about not being able to get HIV medications.

Call your rep today.

Email your rep today.

Write a letter and mail it off today.

C'mon guys.

Five minutes.

Five hundred lives.

Lets get it.

XoXo Chakara

"Ladies You Are Game. Don't Get Caught So Easily"

Reality.

With my upcoming and new projects, involving much older and mature women than myself, I've often thought about topics involving the opposite sex AKA our s/o's from Mars.

Today's topic inspired by a good advisor and friend of mine.

Today's topic.

"Ladies you are game. Stop getting caught so easily".

We all love to quote the values and duties of real men, yet we settle with men who only present these qualities during the "chase" or the intiation process (for some of us). Then *poof*.

Those qualities crawl up under a rug right along with their dirty socks and t.v. remote.

I've heard of wonderful fairytale imagery having relationships of associates and friends, and then before I can spin around there is a break-up floating around, ready to land.

In our laps.

Why?

Because we then find out that the man we once valued as such a "good man", has expired into a spoiled milk form.

Ruined.

Why?

Easy.

You did it.

You allowed him to catch you.

You fell to the game by tripping up, instead of keeping him on his game of chase.

Please follow Tiphani Montgomery on Twitter (s.n. Author Chakara too), because homegirl put me on to buckoo secrets, when it comes to these deer hunting egos we deal with day to day.

Now whose looking for real men?

B/c if you are not, then I suggest you to go find another blog topic for today.

This one isn't for your sweets.

Real men *aheM* love the art of traditional childhood act of "chasing."

Let's let them play hard ladies.
Reference the very popular hunting games men huddle up and participate in year round.

The girl who teases the boy next door, with her subtle smiles and light blushing, while brisking past him silently, eagers him MORE

than the girl next door whose always IN HIS FACE, smiling, confessing how much she's really fallen for him.

She's way too easy.

She's caught in other words.

He'd rather chase the private admirerer.

The one who gives him a run for his manhood.

Some tend to believe that old timing chilvary acts, such as: opening the car door for his woman, running to her rescue providing safety, taking off his jacket in the midst of chilly weather for his woman to have it, him always picking upt he tab, etc etc.....HAVE ALL EXPIRED.

Yeah, they've expired because of YOU all. (lol)

You all (and self in the past) have allowed them to catch you too easily, now these chases are only short-lived and gentlemen acts are no longer needed as catching tools.

In fact, these men are not needing any tools any longer to catch their game.

Alot of women practically wound THEMSELVES with imaginary victory, believing they have him in their grasps ALREADY, landing themselves, keepsakes included, on these men's doorsteps.

Chase over.

He's now bored.

Now, you wonder why he's on the prowl for his next prize.

Stop letting him catch you so easily.

I don't care how many odd stares he give you.

He's a man, and he will be confused for a minute.

But then...

If he really wants it bad enough...

He will realize that he loves this chase.

He wants to continue running after this.

And no matter what....

He's going to get it.

Run him until his tongue falls slightly out of his mouth, and he's thirsty for attention hydrates.

Real talk.

Don't fall or do one of those cheesy horror movie trip ups.

Keep dodging.

Stand at that door and wait for him to open it.

Kick the independent woman ego to the side for a minute, until he has TRULY deserved your assistance.

Pick up a tab on a date if you want to *snide eye* and jump right off of a plank afterwards.

He'll go on another chase, and it will not be after you.

You've been warned.

Get him used to being the man and doing EVERYTHING a man should do before you cop out and go easy on him.

Go Go!

XoXo Chakara

Men: Lets Chop It Up (Ladies Feel Free To Join)

Now,
Maybe I will never get married, and I'm okay with that.
I'll marry my money.
They're presidents anyways. (hmph.)

But...
Time and time again I become annoyed by the BASIC sh*t men do, in their act of trying to catch on the playing field.
I really don't like doing lists, because for me, they like never end.
This one especially.
Like Deejay Lil Bee says "cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuud".
I wish men would STOP the madness.

Lets begin.

1. Control your EYES before you approach me all "gentlemen" like: B/c you know that crap is a front. If you just assumed the role of "Chester the molester" with your eyes crawling all over my curvy goodness, what the hell makes you think that I view you as Kirk Franklin the minute you greet me? I saw you watching. Control your eyes.

2. Stop claiming that you are PAID, when you are really in the struggle like everyone else. The fact that you drive a Mercedes means NOTHING, when you address contains an APT. # in it. Priorities backwards bruh? Hmmmmm. Yeah, you're right. A woman wants a man whose independent with his own everything, including his own money. But...we also appreciate an HONEST hard working man, with his own everything. It doesnt REALLY matter how much he makes, as long as he's making an honest living and taking care of himself.

3.Build on your conversation. Most of y'all dont be talking about SH*T. Do I look like I have time to waste on DULL conversations? Every other sentence you're using your same generic response. "Oh okay..Cool...Thats wassup.." ; I (neutral face). Isnt it strange that everytime you call her, she has some sudden emergency to end the phone call after about the first two minutes? Nah its not strange, its the reality of BORING CONVERSATIONS. Read some books, buy Rosetta Stone,...or something!!!

4. Stop carrying WADS of money around. Bank account foreign to you? Or are you just fascinated with the ILLUSION of number 3. Just because you took all of your twenties and wrapped them around a bunch of ones does NOT fool the majority. In fact, if anything you look poorer than you PRETEND you're not, because your money isnt growing interest. Just pocket lint and some mo' ish. You look financially illiterate, and the ringless brother sitting at the table NEXT to you without a date, who pulls out his black VISA, is who YOUR date is now looking at. Smile.


5. Find clothes and wardrobe accessories that FIT your age. Notice I didn't say your body, but your age pa'tna. If your kids are old enough to give birth, a Celtics jersey and fitted cap should NOT be your every day attire. With age, your wardrobe should also mature. White tees and Nikes should not be your chosen outfit for the summer, when you are complaining about the rain making your muscles ache. C'mon now, in a few years your behind might need dentures, why are you investing in a mouth full of gold teeth at 35?


6. Stop wearing them FAKE *ss PRADAS. Maybe this is just something I see in the South, but maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, I'd be HOT if I was the designer of Prada. I've seen dudes with those joints on, sole all DUSTY, as if they had been playing street ball on gravel. Quit playin!!!!! Pradas should never touch gravel. LOL Moving right along.....


7. Stop whispering in my ear, in club or bar atmospheres!!!! I cant HEAR YOU. Its like FIVE speakers behind us, but you wanna LEAN over and whisper sweet nothings in the mist of Jay Z blasting thru the speakers. This is NOT the place. Nonetheless, your breath stinks. Pop gum and wait until the club, bar, or whatever ENDS. Dueces


8. Stop buying rims when you really could use a transmission. Yeah you might be on 30's but the frame of your car looks like its on popsicle sticks, PLUS, you doing the JOOK at every light, because that mothersucker doesnt want to kick into gear. But you swear you're riding high though. Gotta question for the streets huuuuuuuh! (Plies voice) Who passed inspection?


9. Further your education. Like foreal. All jokes aside, my black men, you are all KINGS, but you cant reign any kingdoms when you dont know what MLA format is. Must I mention that you learned that as early as 10th grade, so dont give me any excuses about "college not being for you", because apparantly High School wasnt either. You are starting a record label, but your hands dont even know what a GED certificate feels like? C'mon son.


Last but not least.....

10. Be a REAL Father to your kids, before wanting another woman to call you daddy. I don't know about y'all, but its rare finding a brother without KIDS. Not saying its impossible, but it is definitely RARE (after 28 yrs old). NOW....although it is rare to find a kidless man, it is COMMON to run into a man who chases skirt tails like squirrels chase nuts. Now do you see my correlation? Men, please be a real father to your children. Not just a child support payer, a sperm donor, or a drop bye dad, but a HANDS on dad. Do that first. Then your chase wont seem so damn frantic. You do good..you get good. Become a father today!

Y'all know I love yall at the end of the day.
Gold TEEF, dishonest pick up lines, dusty Pradas and all...

but y'all annoy me on a good day.

Big up!

*snicker*

XoXo Chakara

The Love Assassination

-says the single lady who stays clear of men who may cause death of the only thing she has that pumps blood AND gives her the ability to FEEL.

HER heart.

Speaking from a woman's point of view, when we LOVE, we love hard. Its in our nature to love with our everything, because well....we rely on our emotions for everything. Our emotions sometimes serve as our guidance, and although this may seem like a weak admittal.....its our strength in a lot of ways.

A woman's love is so pure and STRONG that without the nuturing and warm embrace of a MOTHER, infants would die. Hmmph. Take that.

(lol)

Our emotions serve as our strength as well as our weakness.

Our emotions are what we rely on when all else fails.

This is why we are vital pieces of this planet.

Without emotion guided creatures by nature, this world would be COLD

Antartic COLD.

Catch that lol.

I created this blog because so many times, love hurts, and women need that WARNING sign placed in front of them year round.

This blog serves as a detour from that agonizing pain you will experience if you do not feel for whats in front of you before indulging.

Choose carefully.

You don't want that hurt.

That uncontrollable hurt.

That hurt that leaves you daydreaming of "what could have been", beating yourself up with "why me's" , and committing the crazy crimes of "serial calling and texing."

Ladies who have been in breakups they couldnt really control, should definitely understand this feeling.

A woman who slides all of her chips on to the playing table, and gets them all taken away by her love opponent.

Its a man's nature to block emotion. During bad breakups, women often wonder why they're not getting the response they really want from the man who broke their heart.

We would really like for the accused, or "box-cutter" of the relationship", to say.."Baby, I'm sorry. I love you. Let's work it out."

BUT

Normally that doesn't happen. I mean a dog will commit a DOG act, and carry out his mutty role until the end.

And well...usually when we do get those types of mushy submissions...we don't really want them.

We have this thing with wanting something RARE from a man, because its gives us the EMOTION of feeling special.

We appreciate it because we know that he wouldn't normally react that way.

Yeah I know....

Yeah we are confusing creatures.

Dont ask.

As women, we want things from certain men that we just will not get.

Thats what you call unrealistic LOVE.

Its not realistic for love to survive, in the midst of tainted trust and a combustion of lies.

Its not realistic for love to cause relentless tears and vocal cord straining screams of "why?"

Its not realistic for love to make one unbalanced in life, deflecting them from everyday life duties.

Its not realistic to love someone before loving your damn self.

You will become assassinated by this unrealistic type of love.

It might be one of those bloody spills type too.

BE AWARE.

If he ACTS like he's capable of HURTING YOU.

He will.

If he ACTS like your feeling dont matter to him.

They dont.

If he TELLS YOU he doesnt love you.

He doesnt.

Simple.

Dont become....

ASSASSINATED BY LOVE.

Step wisely.

XOXO CHAKARA

The Life's Gamble Series--The Connection Between "Life's Gamble & Hard Dreams"

Now, this is an informative yet informal blog post.
I am a new author and I'm releasing the second part of my Life's Gamble Series, entitled "Hard Dreams".
I actually released the original story, targeted at young mature women, who maybe just finding themselves at the start of a new beginning.

When I was 24 I was finding myself feeling too old for certain bad decision making. I believe that women go thru massive changes or shifts in maturity. So many of the changes bring buckoo amounts of stress. From talking with lots of women, my age, they shedded their key destructive immaturity around...average twenty three (twenty-four) years of age.

I thought my readers would understand the many situations, we encounter as young women, forcing us to make new and scary decisions. Life's Gamble, is told by two best friends, of different wealth classes, who reunite after five years, while both go thru relationship changes contaminated with lots of evil.

Fallon Stevens, 24, comes from a rougher side of the tracks. Government housing, crack addicted parents, an exhausted grandmother guardian, a ruthless young brother, and a drug dealing baby's father make up her past days. In Life's Gamble she thirsts for a quench of sanity,after bringing a life into this world and running from her past.

Regina, her best friend, from the lengthy acres of North Raleigh, NC, comes from a high pedestal held by her secure and wealthy parents. She indulges into a world that they would forbid....IF...they only knew what her "college life" consisted of.

One friend cries out for help and the other a forgives their past squabble and places out a helping hand. You have to read to find out which one.

When I tell you this places you on the front row of the audience, surround sound, it does the job. I'm not just bragging on my work, but "Life's Gamble" has been described as been a page turner from page 1 (Read chapter 1 in my notes on facebook).

It's an upbeat suspense tale of two best friends who gamble with their lives, while trying to hold on to something very dear to them. In Fallon's case its her sanity and safety of her child, and in Regina's case its her reputation and her life from crumbling.
This book as mind blowing turns and very disturbing info inside of it.
I use this book to shed light on HIV/AIDS as well. (hint hint)
Go and buy it on amazon right now if you want. (SN: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0615327605/ref=cm_sw_su_dp)

Anywhoo.
Hard Dreams is a REWIND, for my readers. A lot of my readers became intrigued in two of my favorite characters of "Life's Gamble".

1.) Fallon, who was one of the story tellers in "Life's Gamble", and 2.) Jersey, who was her vicious child's father who plays a huge part in Life's Gamble (but didn't get to tell the story).

My readers wanted to know about Fallon and Jersey's life before "Life's Gamble" took place. Remember, in "Life's Gamble" Fallon is trying to escape her past. I reel you in with a terrifying home invasion scened, experienced by the young pregnant Fallon and Jersey.
My readers wanted to know what Fallon's past was like.
So, that is just what Hard Dreams delivers.

The young Fallon, 20 and young Jersey,23 both tell the story. Its a young love tale in the fast lane of drugs, crime, infidelity, and abuse.

Its told by Fallon, and the one character my readers have been waiting to hear from, Jersey Squires.

Yes, as a FEMALE author, I assume the position of this vicious, murderous, controlling, dictating, drug dealing, thug of a man, who chases poor Fallon, in "Life's Gamble" away from her old self.

And dammit...

I do a hell of a job lol.
Yes, Jeresy speaks in "Hard Dreams", and three things I can say about him would be:

1.) He is arrogant
2.) He is wealthy
3.) He loves sex

Thats what Hard Dreams does. It really brings a rare uncut "street" to "urban erotica", with a down south spin to it. This book is very R rated. It contains alot of sex. Alot of sex.
Its hard but there are spontaneous sex scenes.
The young Jersey has a prostitute ring down in Florida. Four "bad b*tches" so he says.
Yes, all in Hard Dreams.

So there will be a part three.....YOU GOTTA READ LIFE"S GAMBLE FIRST...NO MATTER WHAT.

1. Life's Gamble
2. Hard Dreams
3. The crave part III lol (for a minute, then I'll hit yall off )

Please ask questions..I will answer them.

Sorry it took so long to explain this. Thanks alot : )

XOXO Chakara

My Top Ten Most Annoying Facebook Posters

Facebook is the way of today's hustle and everyday communication with those we don't see face to face. (well at least from what I see day to day). Those who use it might aim to promote or put something on the market, using the site as a tool.
Or
We might share our pictures, chop it up with the friend from elementary school (in which you haven't seen in a decade), or share a note or whatever (lol).

But we all see those annoying *ss posts, that make us say....."aw shut the hell up would ja?"
Now no offense, cause on a bad week I might end up in one of these categories myself. Personally, I try to sprinkle a couple in together, so that I don't annoy someone else lol. This is all in fun, and simply shows the moods we get in and create names for ......well...... folks who just annoy the hell out of us.

Tonight I present to you Chaka-Talk's Top Ten Annoying Facebook Posters.


1. The Single-Sunday, Married-Monday, Complicated-Tuesday Poster Now I have two types of these to address. The kid poster (18 under) and the adult poster (18+).
KID...if you don't get a book on your mind you will end up like Octamom without the paparazzi. Fallback. You are not even old enough to get married, yet you change your facebook status as if your mother conducts weddings in the backyard.
Fall Back.
Get something on your mind that will bring you a fruitful future. All you pretty much have right now is time. Alot of time it, especially if you use it wisely.
If not...remember Octamom minus contracts and paparazzi.
ADULT......fire whoever got you going crazy like Usher or get some sex and shut the heck up. Nonetheless who are you alerting or reminding?
Yourself?


2. The "I Got So Many Haters, So I'mma Let That Be Known Everyday" Poster. First off, question: Are they hating on how much web time you gettin in? Because you've always screamed you have haters, but you never provide any substantial evidence of anything to be hated on. Nonetheless, do you have any other conversation besides what everyone else thinks of you? Now please understand that there are some people who are really hated on, and every now and again, a hater may have to be addressed.
Maybe.
I'll give myself a day for that frustration.
A post.
Maybe.
But....not every day for breakfast lunch and dinner posting.

3. The Angry Dirty Mouth Poster.
You are so mad that you log on to the internet to spazz out.
Everyday.?
Thats gangsta homiie!!! *daps fakeout/Bruce Lee slap*
Stop that shaaaaaaat! LOL
What are you fighting with??? The keys???? The mouse????
Yaaaaaaaaaaaah trick Yaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Get your frustrations out. Do that. Soulja Boy's joint. It works for me.


4.The Non-Spelling Poster.
Waht did oUY Jsut Say?
Just log off, cause if you log on here once more, trying to thank the Lord in cavemen letters I'm canceling my account.
On a bad day, I have at it.
I curse myself out. Why is he/she gettin online with that bs today!!???
lol. Dictionary.com. Pull up another internet window if need be. Rely on it, heavily,
Until you learn to spell you need not come on facebook.
End.

5.The Undefeated Champion In-Boxers.
These mofos will give me thirty notifications in ten minutes.
Facebook won't even operate that fast!!
Somebody please tell me how Charlie Chocolate can send me thirty personal inbox messages promoting Hershey trafficking in five minutes?
I cant even get to the messages in my inbox without having to delete one hundred repetitive messages.
Quit playin!! Ugh!!!

6.The Happy Poster.
Smile.
Matter fact, you should already be smiling. Every post for you is a happy one.
Its a d*mn tornado in your county, the complex next to yours is blowing shreds right now!
But....
you're happy!
"Its just me and myself and I'm loving life and it feels so good. So what if my cat just got picked up in the tornado, I'm smiling! Happy Happy Happy!!!"
; I <<<< (my neutral face) We get it. Ugh.

7. The Twitter Poster.
Twitter.com...dueces!!
I understand that they all connect now but ugh. LOL
I personally don't like twitter, but "#@Dre1983 Yeah mane" is not necessarily some ish that makes sense to me.
As I scroll down my home page.
We facebookin over here, y'all are set trippin.

8.The Inappropriate Facebook Tagger.
Why do I want to see a video file of Cheaters?
Get that spam crap off of my paaaaaaaaaaaage! lol Chill Bill...sheesh! You tagged fifty people so, all afternoon, I'll get notifications of what they all said.
Why did you tag me in a picture of you in the mirror?
Hmmmmmmm.
Remove tag is such a wonderful option.
I encourage you to use it.

9. The Long *ssed Nickname Poster. Why did you have to add the rest of your name in a note because you couldnt fit all the letters in your info line, then tag me?
: I
Kenneth "ButwhenIgetrightdo'errybodygonehate" Adams you need ur behind whooped.
LOL. Folks giving their bill frustrations in their names.
Stop playing yourself.
Either keep your alias short and simple or use the name your mama gave you.
Ugh.
Kisha "ImnotgoingouttotheclubanymorecauseImsavednow" Jenkins.
Chilleee Chill.....like Beans says. Yikes.


And Last....but not least.....

10. The You Tube DJ Poster.
I believe you set your alarm everyday for 6am, to jump you bamma behind online and play songs all day thru the expense of YouTube, sharing the files to your lovely friends.
Are you a bot?
Have you been spammed?
Do you have a radio?
Or just the common decency to know I don't know what songs came out in 1960? I don't know if anyone actively on facebook does. Not to mention, I don't want to see them posted all day.
*Growls*
LOL Love you too!


Ha!

Currently, other posters applications are up for review. Processing time make take how ever long I feel like it. Please feel free to voice your concerns at yeahright@gmail.com
Smooches!

XoXo
Chakara

Women Law: "He Must Get Tested For HIV To Lay Down With Me"

I remember being extremely alarmed a couple years ago, when I was asked to be on a question and answering panel, as a community member, in a conference event hosted by the National Center of Disease.

The agency I work for, along with many other faith communities, linked up with the C.D.C. to specifically focus on HIV in the community and how faith organizations could play a part in removing the stigmas that play heavy in the spread of HIV.

I was alarmed because I couldn't believe that the National C.D.C. had trickled all the way down to the church pews of my community, basically begging for assistance in fighting the HIV/AIDS cases in the South. According to them, the South had the highest numbers and they intelligently linked the idea of "worship", with removing the stigmas from our community.

In other words, they understood how important religion was to those of Southern culture and figured that the church clergy and other members could assist them in fighting the spread of HIV/AIDS.

Now thats what you call real intervention.

I agreed so heavily with them, as I recounted the many homosexual faces I've seen in church communities and the absence of dialogue on something so important as HIV or condoms.

I remembered seeing the faces of many women, who have taken a stand against stigmas in their community and took it upon themselves to TALK about HIV and AIDS, within their family and friend circle.

I admired those women so much that I became on of them.

Now, I love blogging, because I love to talk.

I want to share with you some basice TOOLS in helping fight the spread of HIV, and women...its called OWNERSHIP.

Own your life.

Own the right to talk about thingst that may affect your body.

Things like HIV.

If you are a black woman, especially 18-24, I encourage you the most to own your life.

See the spread of HIV in OUR community (my fellow African Americans) brought numbers like this just three years ago:

At the end of 2006 there were an estimated 1.1 million people living with HIV infection, of which almost half (46%) were black/African American.

While blacks represent approximately 12 percent of the U.S. population, they continue to account for a higher proportion of cases at all stages of HIV/AIDS—from infection with HIV to death with AIDS—compared with members of other

races and ethnicities

Today, women account for one out of every four new HIV cases in the U.S. Of these newly infected women, about two out of three are African American. Most of these women got HIV from having sex with a man.

AIDS is now the leading cause of death for African American women ages 25-34. African American women are over 21 times as likely to die from HIV/AIDS as non-Hispanic white women.

Today's topic is about OWNING YOUR LIFE within your relationship.

Why are so many women afraid to ask their mate to get tested before having sex with them?

I mean, whats wrong with saying "If you don't have a condom, we can't have sex?"

It can save YOUR LIFE homie.

No really.

I've had conversation with so many women who wished they would have just OPENED their mouth to their mates.

They wished they had the willpower to say...."No glove, no love."

Now they sit nervously in waiting rooms, of their infectious disease primary care office, praying to hear that their viral load has not tripled and their CD4 count is on the rise.

SN: CD4 count= the amount of T-cells (helper cells) in the body ----the "good guys"

Viral load count= the amount of viral cells (HIV infected cells) in the body ---"the evil guys"

I'm a pretty good talker so I came up with some ways to talk about HIV in your relationship, from a woman's standpoint.

Why?

Because we are the fruit of our community.

We are the ones who help the community mulitply by reproducing new lives.

I OWN the fact that I am responsible for teaching those who come AFTER me, the correct way to OWN their health and their bodies.

So I've joined the fight against HIV/AIDS.

Yes, its that serious to me.

1. Know who you are dealing with before having sex with him. As women, we often like to do background checkups on a potential candidate for love, before going into the relationships. The thing is, we ask the WRONG damn questions. This is sex we are talking about. Swapping fluids and such. Get real! Whether or not he makes six figures will not matter when you get that HIV diagnosis of being positive. Whether or not he has a "nice car" will not matter, once you get that phone call from the county health department.

Thats real talk.

Ask PROPER questions, and don't ask everyone else. Ask him!!

1. Have you ever been tested for HIV? If so, when?

I think that when you ask a man that question, he will automatically come with a "yes", b/c he knows thats what you are expecting to hear. So Baam! Hit him with the second question of when. If it takes him too long to answer, there is a possibility he's being untruthful.

2. Do you practice safe sex?

This is important too!! Don't worry about the word "sex", being inappropriate so early. Understand that this should be intial conversation in 2010. Have you seen the statistics??? A man who practices safe sex will believe whole heartedly in the question. I know alot of men who do, so ask this!!! It will tell you whether or not your candidate understands the crucial responsiblity of wrapping it up.

After asking these questions, be sure to engage in the conversation with your own opinions. Let him know where you stand on the questions as well. Let him know that you get tested and that you do practice safe sex. You have to walk the walk in order to talk the talk.

Remember that.

2. Now, that you know his stand on sex. You want to start having safe sex with him, but he still needs to have a current test. If he has not shown you one. You too! It's time to ask the question that so many women feel uneasy about asking.

"Let's go and get tested together." I know that seems like such a tough thing to ask, but understand that it shouldn't be. You want a man who takes things like STDs/HIV serious, so a mature man will not deem that question as immature. In fact, a man on the same leveled plain you are will appreciate that gesture. Knowing your status of HIV/AIDS, will unleash a fresher feel in your relationship. You will both know where you stand, and you will both know how far to go with your relationship. Getting tested is absolutely FREE! Whether you are up north or down south, your county has a health department that offers free testing. Take advantage! Make an appt for you both. Ask if their is a counselor to explain any other questions you have about HIV/AIDS, upon your visit to get tested. Get educated!!! Its a weapon of defense for you.

Some women may not be in such serious relationships, where they feel as though they have the RIGHT to ask someone they are sexually involved with to get tested.

Welp.

Understand this.

Condoms are like 99 percent effective, but here is the kicker.

That's if they are put on correctly and are up to date in packaging.

Old and misused condoms may still put you at risk of catching HIV.

Make sure that you are keeping condoms that are not expired, and make sure that he is putting the condom on correctly.

Alot of responsibility huh?

Yeah, well you wear that when you lay down on your back and invite him into your life.

Your body.

Own it.

SN: KILL THIS CRAP "He/she caught the AIDS."

Hiv must turn into AIDS first. HIV is the virus that leads to AIDS. Upon a person's first contraction of HIV, they have HIV. That's it. A viral load measurement can determine AIDS status. One cannot CATCH AIDS.

That's ignorant talk.

Don't look like a fool talking.

I do this because I LOVE my people.

I hope that this read helped you just a little bit, and well if this is stuff you already knew, then pat yourself on the back for being ahead of the game.

Much love

XoXo

Chakara

His Friend Keeps On Hitting On Me!! I'm Telling! But wait..how do I?

This has to be a very common scenario amongst seriously INVOLVED women today.

I know that I've been in this uncomfy situation a few times, and felt covered in slime during the process.

I guess we don't have anyone to blame but other women who give in to such an offer.

The ones who will cheat with his "friend."

Its funny to me because the men, who pursue the women of their friends, pursue without any sign of caution.

The fact of them caring about your man is normally non-existent.

They get in whisper mode, eyes dip below sincere, and then they proposition you when you arn't in the company of your mate.

It places us faithful women in a bad place.

Not to mention, it makes the MAN look like a low dirty piece of doodie.

Yep. : )

I mean you see the faces on your man's face when you tell him his favorite sports team lost, or his favorite music artist has past away.

What about the face when you tell him that his man just hit on you at the bar?

Yeah.

Its a toughie.

Now, I have always practiced the act of not saying anything. Especially if this guy wasn't my man's blood buddy of first grade, boy scouts homie, and or his tag along friend.

He's really just someone my man considers to be "cool" with, but he's still a friend or light associate. He is still EVERYWHERE you guys seem to be. You run into him all the time.

I mean, after all I don't want his slimeball "friend", and I make sure that I make that clear upon his secret invite to HELL.

I let HIM know.

I would never tell my man because I don't want to start a huge ordeal out of nothing.

Why?

Because men will be men, and quite frankily, I also believe that it's harder for men to find loyal friends than it is for women.

Why?

Because it's their nature to chase the cat. Yeah, its quite sad. I've seen men pop the trunk after clubs over women, ready to take their own life away for O.P.P. of his used to be "homie".

No matter how many times you see a dude shout Money Over B*tches....hmmmm...they're like uncontrolled animals, they can't help but to chase.

So tell them to save it.

I laugh at the forearm tattoos myself.

Anywhoo, I know we've all been here, and if you havn't well....you will.

What willl you do?

1. First off, evaluate the friendship and incident. Who is the corny fool? Is he your man's REAL friend. You know? Ace boon koon? What exactly did the fool do? Did he blatantly disrespect you? Of course he did. (lol) He already disrespected your man. True indeed, but was the invite all wild and out in the open? I mean these are things to think about. How did he take your response in telling him you were not interested? Remember he's a DOG, one of those mutty MEN DoGS. Unfortunately its in his nature. If he came at you wrong, and you were successful in puttin him in his place, then it may not be a need to go to step 2. Just warn the idiot that if it happens again, you will be saying something to your man. Then there MIGHT be problems, so he may wanna go THAT >>>>> way. (smile) You may just need to end it here. No need to bring bones back to the crib, if there isnt a need to.

2. So, he didn't take your rejection well. He's still harassing. Now what? Its like almost time for the bar to close. Or whatever. Maybe its week two and he is still at it. When you see him out, homeboy is STILL winking and making unnecessary passes at you. Even though you told him what your stance on his proposition was. Even though you warned him that your boyfriend would crack his skull if he found out. His response: And? So what?

Hmmmmm. Time to take action it seems? Yeah I think it's time for Operation Tattle Tell.

After all, you did warn him but he didn't listen. Proceed to step 3. Its time to unleash the heavy weight. You can't deal with it anymore, plus you've been in places where your man and this guy are present, and it just fells TERRIBLE. This n*ckel is trippin.

3. How to tell him. Do not beat around the bush!!!! If you need to hit the bathroom mirror up for practice before telling him, then do it, but do NOT beat around the bush. Get straight to what you want to tell him, especially if you've let this thing prolong for a long time. If it's been two weeks of harassment and you go into the conversation stuttering, you might make the situation harder. He's going to wonder what the hell took you so long to say something. Men have this thing with their ego, and he will feel some type of way about the stalling of your disclosure. To him, he's been a complete laughing stock in the MAN WORLD. Not one man like's being in the blind of fellow MEN. Its a macho thing. Understand that.

Make sure it's just the two of you and start with offering a soothing method to this terrible topic. Your man may get angry, so remember, you don't want to spark a bigger flame with instigating.

Be easy.

I know I'm corny (lol), but something to this extent. Short, factual, and compassionate.

"Baby, I have something to tell you. First off, understand that their isn't any man in this world who could take your place in my life right now, and that's why I see its so important to let you know this. So-and-so came on to me __________, ________, and ________. I let him know imediately that I was not interested and offended each time, but he still continues."

3. The Aftermath. Oh, boy is he pissed off, but he's covering his pissed look with a fake nonchalant one. He wants to carry the impression that his girl doesnt want another dude. He has her where he wants her, but inside he's burning like a campfire. He is ready to punch straight through his friends face, but instead of saying that he just nods. He's on fire though. Yes he is.

Please continue to play as that fire extinguisher. Maybe add a little "kiss-up" to the equation. Beg him to not make a huge deal out of the situation. Help him to avoid confrontation. You handled it all for him! Offer to cook for him or something, but whatever you do, do NOT connect that offer to the event. Try to change the subject. Hell give him some "cater to you" sex or something. Reinstate that "true love" you have for him, thru a simple act of kindness. That might ease his frustrations and daydreams of catching a charge. DO NOT BRING IT UP AGAIN. You told him what he needed to know. You handled it, he is aware, and thats it. That is all the time you need to waist on the idiot.

4. When You Two See The Idiot Friend Again. Act as if the friend is Casper. Invisible. You do not see him. In fact, he will know that you told him because maybe your man will not talk to him either. He is non-existent at this point. Wiped away from your life. A nobody. The End. You guys live happily ever after. Stronger and communication net is WIDE open. *swoosh*. You win back your sanity, day to day clarity, and your man is happy.

Hopefully these steps will not fracture anyones skull or relationship. I talked to some men who sorta helped me form these steps. I figure, hell,...whose better to tell me how to go about something men themselves. Thanks friends *wink*.

I'd love to know your experiences in handling such crud. Share?

Please??

XoXo Chakara

Ladies Do We Need Bullet Proof Vests To Reject Men?

Men, first off, I'mma need you guys to stop getting upset when a woman doesn't give you the response you expect to get. (teehee. no foreal.)

In D.C. Fox News, a college student was just recently shot, and she says it was because she refused to give a guy her phone number.

Read this little clip:

The young woman, whose identity has been protected, told police she was leaving a party in southeast Washington early Sunday when a man asked for her number.

“He told my cousin he was going to shoot at us if I didn't give him my number and then he started shooting,” she told authorities.

One of those bullets struck the student as she ran away.

It is still lodged in her ankle. Surgeons will decide how to remove it.Police are still searching for the suspect.
*******************************************************************
My first reaction: What!

Then I came back down to earth, recounting some of the many times I thought that I would see bullets fly after I've turned down some ruggish thuggish mad man, yelping behind me about how much money he has and blah blah blah!

I'm happy to announce that this young lady will recover but FELLAS!!!

What is REALLY the deal?

This world has truly evolved when we have men who are willing to risk being on death row for getting a damn phone number.

Which may NOT even be the real damn number. (I've given out a few fake ones in my day)
Women, do we need VESTS on after the club?

After leaving the mall?

The gym?

This article puts me in the mind of Marlon Wayans on Dont Be A Menace While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood.

"BREAK YO SELF FOOL! GIMME YO GAWT*AMN NUMBER!"

Whoa.

Thoughts?

Xoxo
Chakara
source:http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/local/college-student-shot-because-she-would-not-give-man-her-phone-number-050310