You Date Him? You Date His Mom Too. Get Down Or Lay Down.

Now.

I know that some of you can tell, just by my title that....this is that ole bull-ish.

I ran into this topic, yesterday as I listened to the moaning of an associate talk about how her new friend's MOTHER...is well...

LISTEN UP. I'm just going to share a common scenario with you.

That's right.

*Ahem*

So.

You meet the guy of your dreams. He's a complete sweetheart. Mannerable, respectful, well put together, nice career, nice salary, no kids, no ex-wives, or baby mama's, all limbs the same length, etc....

You are completely taken away, floored by his charm.

He approaches you, and propositions you with a date.

Something simple, and of course you accept because well.....You WANT HIM BAD.

He has none of the average flaws that your quest to find a man is normally interupted with.

So, why not?

You guys hit it off big time. He tells you everything about him, and you LOVE IT.

He talks about how his mom is everything to him, and he doesn't know what he would do without her.

His father, not so much praised, but mommy is definitely the only queen in his life. She was a divorced single mom, and he values that.

He should.

Now, during his first disclosure of such a sweet relationship between him and Mom, you're loving it.

I mean a man who respects his mother to the upmost will respect any other female.

Right?

I mean isn't this what we were always taught?

So, you're just bragging to everyone about this guy.

Ohmigosh.

He is just HOT SH*T in your book, and you are even daydreaming of wedding bells with this man, after dating him for a lengthy six months.

He's been to your place.

You have been to his.

Sex has already naturally INTERVENED, and everything is even seeming to be going as planned.

In fact, he's feeling you the exact same way. He loves how you praise the fact that he is a mama's boy, and respects that woman the way that he does.

This is when he goes in for the killer suggestion.

The moment that will have a woman literally scrubbing allof her impurities away from her skin, the day before the actual event.

He announces...

"I want you to meet my mother."

Now, its only natural that a woman feels a little jittery at the mentioning of having to meet the mother of a man she really likes.

Because what?

We all want to be liked by the woman who made our man.

In fact, we hope that this woman adores us, like a daughter she never had.

Oh she has to. (You know this is what we think.)

Butterum..............................

It doesnt work out that way.

See.

You meet her.

She greets you cordially, but somewhere along the course of the meet n greet, you figure out that

SHE

DOESN'T

LIKE YOU.

No matter how much you smile and use your manners.

She doesn't like your *ss.

Bwahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Ha.

What do you do?

Now.

Trust.

Your beau, he knows mom dukes doesn't like you either.

He's not going to tell you. He will only make excuses up as to his mother "being the way that she is."

But you know.

Deep down inside you can sense that her "hello" isn't sincere.

The way she laughs around you is pushed out, like a bad actress on Broadway.

She's faking the funk, because she has already determined that she's not feeling you.

Oh but wait.

She will tell her son this too, because that is her baby.

He's perfect and every single woman should want him because he's basically flawless, without a ring on his finger.

She understands her son is a hot commodity.

He loves his mother, and he often goes to her for advice. She will continue to remind him that YOU are not what he needs in a woman.

Oh yeah. Once or twice a week.

She will.

She will advise him that she shouldn't just stop at you, no matter what he feels.

He should venture out more, see what else is out there.

After all, "You are a good man, Son." (Or something mushy to that effect lol)

When she really wants to say, "leave that heffa alone, she's no good for you."

Now at this point, you have to come to some realizations.

First off, this woman has buckoo power over this man's thoughts, because he praises her dearly, worshipping the ground she walks on.

Any woman can see that.

He has even said it out of his own mouth. You know? That his mother has always been the person he could ever talk to about anything.

The only woman who has ever been able to completely understand him.

All of that *sh was SWEET, when you first met him.

Now that the cat is out of the bag, on Queen Mommy not liking you.

Those words remain as sharp as box cutters, piercing into your ego something serious.

In fact, you find yourself stressed out wondering to yourself.

"How in the hell do I compete with his mama!!"
Then the reality sets in.

YOU CAN'T.

YOU REALLY SHOULD'NT.

You want to continue dating him, but you don't see your relationship going anywhere.

Every date, there forward, feels like a complete waste of time.

Life wasted.

He was the one.

DAmmit!

But now, y'all are having discussions about the things his mother has said and they are turning into light arguments.

Then they get deeper.

No longer light arguments, but all-nighter pillowtalk heated discussions.

So deep, that now, dating him has become a migrain affair.

You may even be going bald EARLY. ; /

Yep.

So.

What are you going to do?

Date him and his mother?

Or get lost?

I think we've all been here before. Even I can admit to this, once upon a blue moon.

And well...

The only advice I can give you if you ever run up on a man who is such a mama's boy, that he really wont BLINK before being advised by her.

is to...

Well, how can I put this in simple terms?

RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

run for your freakin life.

Mommy monsters are dangerous to our egos.

Hmmph.

lol

XOXO

Chakara

"And then POW The Body Magic Comes Off..........."

Today, is a new day.

A day where you can pretty much use other measures, besides the natural ones, in shaping one's body into the shape desired.

Just go to a mirror right now. Take an overal examination of ones self.

Don't have any boobs? Well...what the hell are you waiting for? Go buy you some.

Need more *ss? Well, dammit they have those too.

Do you need a temporary butt for the night girl (heeeeyyy) or are you going for the gusto, and really just would like HELP growing your own??

Well nowadays there are quarterly injections you can get to you know...get that butt you always wanted.

Its like you can't miss. If you want new lips, a new neck, or a new pinky toe. Holla at them FOLKS cause I guarantee they have something for you to fix your said "body issue."

Now, if you are a woman with any MEAT around your rib section...lil back fat? hmmm?? I can even vouch for a little of that *shy*

Well, if you havent been approached by these determined salesmen of this GARMENT, then you must be hiding in a hole away from all existance because....

like my homie Marc Law says...."THEY BE ON THEIR GRIND"

lol

Now please, I beg that no one be offended by this blogpost. Please this is what I do. I have these weird thoughts from time to time, and this blog is where I can just release.

So sit back, and listen.

For about two weeks (2009), I was hounded by my very first Body Magic sales person. It was actually middle of last year. I will not expose whether this was a man or a woman, but I'll tell you what.

By the third week of harassment, I was dodging cell phone calls, deleting inbox messages, and even peeking at the end of grocery store aisles, praying that I wouldn't be spotted by this...

determined...

hard working...

go getter of a Body Magic Sales Person.

They were on their grind so much, that I'd run into them in the strangest places. Well, I ignored, and ignored, until ONE day, I was approached by someone I actually respect in the business world.

I decided to listen just a little bit about the sales opportunity. Now, what folks don't understand is, no matter how GOOD a product is, you job is to sell.

You. Must. Go. Super Hard.

You know? To make someone come out of pocket.

On the spot.

A person can list a million things about how good a product is, but in order to SELL it, you have to really go in.

And

What I mean by going in is, you have to lightly harass. But you do it with a smile.

*cheese*

And then you make this person believe that something they didn't like about themselves or a situation will change for the better...if they what?

Buy what you have for sell.

I do the same with my books, no matter how great and impactful I believe Life's Gamble is.

I have to sell it.

Now, I went to see my first demonstration.

Of the much talked about "Body Magic" garment.

First off, I wanted to see this. Because I said to myself 4 inches LOST, in 5 minutes....

um...then what?

......

I'm like a size 8, meaty (aka thicka than a snicka - lol) , and my waist could use some trim. So, by all means, MY eyes were glued to the stage like those of Odie's of Garfield or something.

Wide awake at what was about to be presented.

Now this woman was larger than I was. Maybe, a size 16 or so walks up to the platform. So I say to myself, "Hmmmm.....I wanna see this sh*t."

Sure did.

Now, she went on to say that she would be the model blah blah blah...

Get on with the show, I'm ready to see the hourglass shape y'all talmbout.

So she goes into the bathroom, with her body magic garment tucked PROUD, like a U.S. citizen at inauguration and....came out in exactly TEN MINUTES.

Apparantly she didn't need any help in her body magic.

She got that sucker on alone.

From what I was told it takes an army of five to put it on. So I was impressed once the door swung open.

NOW.

The finished product.

Um.

I was NOT impressed.

Lord forgive me for this confession but I swear.....it only pushed MORE OF HER...to the TOP.

Nah mean? (lol)

Like imagine a YOGURT tube, or even a tube of lotion.

You squeeze the bottom and all of the lotion goes to the top. Depending on how flimsy the packaging is, your squeezing may make the top of the bottle look a little swollen.

Well....

That was how ole' girl was looking.

So she walked around, and I'm thinking. The only thing that is missing is a mo-hawk, a rope chain, a wife beater, and some bow ARMS...and she'd be looking like Mr. T. flexing off his muscles.

No foreal.

So I sat back and was just quiet. Afraid to say, "Ummmm...I don't see any positive results."

Were her sides smoother??? Sure they were...no lump signs of side fat.

Could I see in between the gap of her arms and her waist? Sure I could..

Maybe her clothes fit a little better...but she didn't drop any sizes to me. In fact, she reaaaaaaaalllly didnt look any smaller.

Boxier?

Yep.

Oh and I knew that would be me all day.

So fast forward............................................to today, and my reason for not buying into this "magic" garment.

UM....AND THAT REASON IS....

I DONT NEED ANYTHING ELSE TO DISTRACT ME OF A MORE PROMISING GOAL. THAT IS......LOSING WEIGHT OR INCHES NATURALLY.

lol

WORK IT OUT.

LEAVE THE CHOCOLATE ALONE.

lol

Damn, a boxy ass body magic. (I'm already broad in the dang shoulders) If I could be hired and hit off with an ADVANCE as a benchwarmer on the N.O. Saints, in one, then MAYBE I'd consider.

Now, maybe I just had a bad experience, because I've seen some women with one on and they looked marvelous.

But.

These women were also no bigger than a size 8 originally.

All they really need to do, like I was to lose a few inches, naturally.

Simple.

B.C. that fine, cool brother who you been dating for the past two months (IN-SUIT *snicker) will ONE DAY see you when the mu'flicker comes OFF.

Then what?

lol

Let it marinate, and if you can do it naturally...go for it man.

Please.

Love you too *muah*

XOXO

Chakara

*Oh P.S.*

LOOK OUT FOR MY NEW WEBSITE http://www.theauthorchakara.com/

and SUSCRIBE TO MY BLOOOOOOOOOOOG!

thank you ; )

"I love Him..I love Him NOT" Confessions of a Confused Serial Dater

This post here is for my single successful ladies, swimming thru the sea of comittment trying to find LOVE amongst the fast pace life of climbing the success ladder.

I am one of them.

*sigh*

And, on top of that, I'm a piece of work alone.

I write, and anyone can tell you that writers are extremely STRANGE people.

Now, I'm just going to list alot of my hangups and maybe you have the same when dealing with guys.

1. I have a really screwed up "type" of guy.

Now, unfortunately an urban twist of a man is preferred. His pants should not dangle underneath his buttox, but his pants must also be free to ROAM around in as well. We'on do that skinny jean stuff over here. A fewjean brands give or take, but not super duper SKINTY. His attitude must be attitude-repellent. He must know how to handle the type of woman I am, and he cannot be soft spoken or timid. Aggressive men normally do the trick, but well....agressive guys arn't always the best pick. I find this to be a hang up.

I end up with assholes who were only agressively sweet at the beginning.

Then their film wears off.

2. I don't allow anyone where I live, plus I'm busy...sooo.

About 20 percent of all of the men, I've ever dated know where I rest at. Call me shell-shocked or whatever, but I had a terrible experience when I was twenty. I don't like people knowing where I close my eyes at. It's some type of weird paranoia, I'm sure.

I'm working on this, but this doesn't help when dating. I like ALWAYS meet my beau wherever we will be eating. He doesn't get the opp to pick me and take me out, like traditional dating. LOL

3. I'm always on my laptop and often, I don't answer my phone when I am.

The internet, blogging, and writing are my LIFE, aside from my busy bee 6 year old (mentioned in #4). I make about 75 percent of my sales via internet promotion. Also, I'm in an office Monday-Friday 9am-5pm, and I value my independent interent time. Hmmph. And, right now, I have to put that on the forefront. My latest date buddy often says says, "Aw lord, you must be on your computer", once the uncomfortable sound of *crickets* come thru the phone, while we are supposed to be "talking". I do it unintentionally though, and I understand this part of me needs work.

4. I have a kid. She is my road dog, and she bites.

My daughter is six years old, going on 80. She does not bite her tongue, nor does she hesitate to ask me questions about anything. Including a stranger who may be showing a liking to her mommy, her #1 fan. So, this makes things hard b/c at the dating "stage", I'm not so sure that I want to answer questions from the inquisitive brown girl. At dating stage, a guy isn't really conversation material. My daughter doesn't need to ask questions, because he's not worth explaining to her at that moment. Not that I may not like him, its just that he's in that stage where...well my kid doesn't need to know you. You are seperate from that part of my life, until you prove you meet all necessary requirements. Now she is always with me, so that sort of narrows the time I have available to date. Reason this being a "said" hangup.

4. Finding brothers with reputable J.O.B.'s.

Everybody can't be a rapper, or a trapper, or a entreprenuer minus the actual business. I present to you the main reason I fall back. If I meet one more Gucci Mane protege, I'm going to scream, and it won't be "Gucci! or Brrr!!!". Let's face it, everybody can't be a rapper, and Lord knows I can't do a trapper. Peace and hair grease to the struggle and all that, but will the real "JOB HOLDERS" please stand up. The first step to being an entreprenuer is actually OWNING a business. You are not a business man because you carry a briefcase with notepads and BIC pens in it. Where is your real business credit? Where did you go to school again? Oh okay....lets get with it. ESC.com Go!

5. Brothers and their baggage!

Hi, my name is "Ms. Single Lady", but I will NOT be baby mother number THREE, jumpoff number FOUR, or rescue haven housing lady for BIRDHEAD MEN. Nope, I'm not going to be able to do it ; /

Now, it is a recession. Note taken. On top of that, I do understand that black men are not highly favored, as job candidates for many positions. So, I do empathize with the strenuous task of finding work in the U.S. and being a black man. I do.

BUT.

Some of them have no reason to be 25+ living with their mom, driving the car of their baby mama's (while she's at work), with two other alternate baby mamas, and not a THING to call his on, but a closet full of Pradas and Gucci. Dammit!

Oh and that brother always looks damn good doesn't he? Of course, he has all the latest style of fashion because this brother has NO REAL BUSINESS. He can afford to buy all of the latest styles without a real job, because...well he has no BILLS. Ugh.

Then he starts to stutter at the questions: What do you do? Do you have kids? Have you ever been married?

Go figure...moving right along.

Now.......these are like the man hangups...

I have others...but I will not bore you with my ranting.

Now a few of these things I can't change.
Others eh...maybe I can.

But I confess.

Hi, my name is crazy writer person,

and I am a serial dater for the listed reasons.

Pray that other like me get it together, and most of all...pray that the micro selection of men out there get it together FIRST.

Love seems so far away sometimes.

"I love him, I love him NOT...NEXT!"

I know that one day I'll shake this craziness.

XoXO

Chakara

Irv Gotti Says if Rick Ross Would Have Signed With Him Instead Of Jay Z..He'd Be Selling 2 Mill In This Recession

Excuse me while I finish laughing.

Go ahead and watch the clip on wordstarhiphop.com (my source). Just search

Irv Gotti and Rick Ross.

In the words of Ja-Rule

"Holla Holla!" LOL

Now Irv

Irv Irv Irv!

Let me top this discussion off by asking the most important question

Where in the hell is Lloyd?

I particularly hate when a person comes in after the fact, after things are all said and done, and talks about what they coulda done or how things would have been better (if).

I'm going to put myself in Rick Ross's shoes, cause I like to role play.

Let's feel this scenario out.

Now according to Irv, when Rick Ross put out his first single "Everyday I'm Hustlin'", every label was calling the guy to sign.

He says that when everything boiled down, Ross had the choice to sign with either Irv Gotti or Def Jam (Jay Z).

Hmmmmmm.

Lets weigh it out. Shall we?

Def Jam

Irv Gotti'en Em.

Def Jam

Irv Gotti'en Em.

Who would one sane in the rap world go with?

Enuff said.

You know this whining about the past is becoming an annoyance, similiar to the whining of a little league team of young boys.

Now Gotti gave some useful tips about signing contracts with major labels and all that. I respect that, but to say what you could have done with an artist, when YOUR artists are playing benchwarmer right now, is like..........

whats the word....ummmmm......

LAME.

Yeah that will work.

Now I wonder what your team would say about that. What would Ja Rule say about that clip?

What about Ashanti?

Huh? Huh?

Lloyd? And Lord knows I love me some Lloyd, but where is he?

Delkab Mall?

Maybe....bring Lloyd back FIRST Gotti. THEN

JUST MAYBE

MAYBE I'll listen to your rants.

Hehee...

(all love)

Im Audi 5000

Peace

Chakara

SENSITIVE THUGS...THEY ALL NEED HUGS.

Now I had a situation yesterday, that made me fly to my blogspot.

Even though, alot of my time has been consumed with wrapping up "Hard Dreams", with re-writes and what not.

But enuff is a *uckin' NUFF.

The Southside of Raleigh is where I originate, and frequently I visit fam on that side, during the week and of course on the weekends. Now, the reason for the PSA is because of some of the bs I see not just on that side, but everywhere in Raleigh-Durham,

It has to stop.

Being that I heart where I come from, I focus on that side.

Mainly.

Cause quite frankly, the next idiot is going to get his ass handed to him.

With the same saggy imitation designer pockets attatched to it.

I'm too damn old for this *hit.

Often, I'm approached inappropriately by some of the worst Lil Wayne proteges there are. Golds (*ding*) in their mouths, dreads that could replace Goodwill toy velcro, and outfits that are as hideous of a drunk man's artwork.

Where they do this at??...well...apparantly on the Southside. (love yall too..now..lehgo)

Now my beef is not for the reserved young man, whose slightly tacky in his chosen style of dressing, comes from a rough setting but still knows how to talk to a lady.

Naw.

I'm not talking about him.

I'm talking about the "I ain't neva scared", "I'm not rich but I'll pretend", "Knuck if you buck", "I got all my goons with me", imitations of THUGS, with skirts located underneath there Tom John jeans.

Yeah THEM.

The ones who stand outside of my hood's local convenient store, posted up like a window display, with the attitude that everyone wants me, because dusty samples of women have somewhat

BIGGED that head up.

Why you mad son?

Yesterday I was disrespected so hard, that I couldn't do anything but laugh.

Then offered a hug.

Then re-nigged by saying SIKE.

Ha-ha (you shoulda been there.)

He saw me first.

Cause dammit he sees everything coming in and out of that store.

That's where he is everyday.

Posted up, a magnet to a tresspassing charge.

Cause you know RPD told him to take his ass home numerous times.

Probably caught a few citations here and there.

Anywhoo.

He approached me with some broken form of a greeting, sprinkled with a little bit of "*IGGA is you SERIOUS". (*ding*)

It went sorta like this "Damn, that joint is fat. You need to let me take you out. *thumbs threw knot of 1's*"

; I <<<< *my neutral face*

Now most certainly, a comment ALOUD, in front of four or five other American citizens, only made the situation worse for lil homie.

Because as USUAL, I did my infamous ignore, without laying so much of an EYE on the dirt dobber with a pocket full of one-notes.

Welp.

When ignoring goes wrong.

He wouldn't stop, because the fake jewelry and thick knot, on a busy crackhead Friday, had him amped.

So he went in for the kill.

Well, he went in to get handled.

This is what he does.

When I didn't respond.

He goes.

"Oh word. It's like that? Hahaaaa. Well fuck you too then. Shit, I'on want no bourgeois bitch anyways. Aint that right cuz? (he asks while dapping up the equivalent HOT mess beside him)."

By this time, the entire line is waiting for me to respond.

So *uck it, cause its Thursday, I aint on no clock, and well...I just felt like doing something different for a change.

I did this in the name of ever tired woman who has been approached by a sensitive thug with a temporary GANGSTA film over them after five oclock on a work day.

"Awwwwww, I'm sorry I didn't give you the response you wanted. You wanna hug? *arms fly open".

Now.

One would think that he would throw me a "PSHHH" and keep it moving.

One would think that he wouldn't want the offer, being that obvious sarcasm was tossed out there.

But, often we are wrong.

He bit.

LOL

He said "Hell yeah."

And...well....upon smelling the overwhelming scent of Newports and stale dreadlocks on him, once his arms spread.

I went in for the kill.

"SIKE!"

Courtesy of 1990 Millbrook Elementary school bus creations.

It made such a comical finale.

The entire store was laughing.

It was petty but dammit it felt good.

Can you say 1up?

Thanks for listening to my RANT people.

And just to wrap this up for the sensitive thugs who all need hugs, but will not say so,

but instead they chose to disrespect a sister who may appear gameless, in her daintiness....

THINK AGAIN.

I'm one of the originators of YOUR type game.

Ask Keenan and Mac AKA the best lil brothers alive. (lol)

XOXO

Chakara

A FEW OF YALL COULD LEARN FROM TERRANCE J.

Terrance J from 106 N Park that is.

Thats right.

Sources are saying that Terrance J. is dating a COUGAR!!!!

Not the *amn animal folks.

For those who don't know what a cougar is, its simply an older very attractive woman who likes her meat young and tender.

And well, according to sources and this photo, Terrance J. has been seen out numerous times with Valeisha Butterfield, best known as the rapper Game's former fiance'.

Oh yeah.

Now, I know Terrance. Whether or not he still "knows" me would depend on...eh a number of things. LOL (Hi Terrance!)

Terrance once lived Raleigh, NC...and hell well...we were in ninth grade together.

He was a very sweet, humble, and very mature guy.

He was awfully quiet, but when I think about how he was back then (still realizing that people change), I said to myself...."Hmm. I could really see him with a mature woman."

Now dont get the game chopped and screwed because Ms. Butterfield isnt just some groupie cougar now, homegirl works with the Obama Administration, as Deputy Director of Public Affairs for the International Trade Administration. (whatever that is. either or it sounds good so...)

Now wouldn't you like to get like Terrance?

I'm talking to these men out there who call themselves "playas".

LOL

Arnt you wondering to yourself how in the hell did the dude who plays and dances on 106 and Park everyday pull a chick like that?

Hmmmmmmmmm.

I dont know, maybe you should poke him on facebook.

Hit him up on twitter.

Ask him for some *amn tips.

Teehee.

Xoxo

Chakara

A MAN PUNCHES HIS 7MONTH YEAR OLD SON IN THE CHEST TO "TOUGHEN HIM UP"

excuse my language but


WIGGA WHAT!?





Now I read in NY News and on Media Takeout about a man who has been charged with MURDERING his own 7 month son, by punching him in the chest to toughen him up.


Source claimed that he believed that the boy was too much of a mama's boy, so he punched the baby in the chest. As a result of the trauma, that beautiful baby boy lost his life.





Now here is the part that made me the most angry: New York no longer has the death penalty, so this man recieves life in prison for killing a baby.





Now, let me cool off, cause when I think about this *hit, it makes me extremely ANGRY.


Men, what is it about boys and them being themselves??? I see this so much, especially in the places where ignorance trails police cars and such. You know, my hood and your hood?

Men trying to push their gangter attitude upon their own seeds, aka their babies. I remember hearing back in the day, that this dude paid this woman to put her crackpipe addicted lips on the private part of his seven year old son.

He even boasted about it saying, "Let that man get some head", to anyone who questioned him why.
CAN WE SAY CHILD ABUSE TOGETHER???

That man? First of all a child is not required to be anything but a child. What is up with the male species, forcing this male macho syndrome on their kids, subjecting them to a life time of mental trauma and confusion?

We gotta do better, because unfortunately folks, this dude was black. I see stories day in and day out about my own people doing things that are a disgrace to all mankind, and our poor babies, the future are paying for OUR ignorance.

I don't agree with his penalty, but HOPEFULLY, he will catch a few to the chest his *amn self while he's on Riker Island.

While you read this, understand I'm PISSED and feels like stories like this should be brought to the forefront. The minute you want to toughen up your child, because of your own fears, remember this story. Yeah, your situation may not ever reach this extent, but its the same mindframe that gets us here.

This man was a true idiot and I hope he feels at home in his new cell block.


Peace out
Chakara